What’s Behind Christian Inventiveness with Word Definition?

Some time ago I posted an article on “Christian Speak”, the translation into English of crazy things Christians say. I also did one on how Christians try to give words in the Bible new meanings so as to better defend the absurd, contradictory, incongruent and irrational words of their God.

On a related note, and to round out the subject of Christians’ propensity toward playing fast and loose with incongruent linguistics, I offer the following observation and analysis. I guess you could call it the third element in a trinity of religious language perversion.

A rather innocuous and inoffensive Christian fellow recently proffered that "atheism is a religion." That activist atheists / anti-theists, such as myself, Dawkins, Hutchins, Harris, Meyers, et al, are “the most religious” people he knows. Evidently the basis for this is our out spoken opposition to religious ignorance; our distain for its negative effects on society both historically and currently; and the agenda that the religious have to force their beliefs on others and intrude on our lives and freedoms. But to call atheism a religion, or atheists religious is just moronic.

I tossed him the canard about how "atheism is a religion like baldness is a hair color" and how "calling atheism a religion is to akin to calling not collecting stamps a hobby." As I feared, the analogies were lost on him.

I referred him to dictionary.com to look up the definitions of “religion” and “atheism”. By definition, atheism cannot be a religion. Any educated person who can read and has the desire to use language properly knows this. I also explained that if not believing in something is a religion…then anyone who disbelieves in Bigfoot is part of the “non belief in Bigfoot religion.” [His will be done!]. Wham! It went right over his head.

This theist is confusing a “position” with a religion. I have any number of positions on things. Here are a very few among hundreds, perhaps thousands of positions I embrace:

• I tend toward liberal social politics, but conservative fiscal politics and I make that position known to my congressional representatives. [the religion of “Moderatism”?]


• I have a position on my right to own firearms, and am vocal on that as well. [the religion of “Pro-Gunism”?]


• I have a position on the stupidity of conspiracy theorists, and frequently write letters to the editor deriding and exposing their idiocy. [the religion of “Dismissal of Whack-o-ism”?]


• I have a position on the non-reality of vampires, werewolves, faeries, fortune tellers, space alien visitors, etc., etc. albeit, I don’t feel the need to espouse it to most thinking people. [the religion of “Non-Boogie-Manism”?]


• I have a position on the use of camel’s for food. [the religion of “Non-Camel Cannibalism”?]

Unfortunately, there are a few atheists who through their own stupidity feed theist misconceptions of atheism. Some of them, the most unthinking and vapid, call for an "atheist church," or at least see no conflict with the oxymoronic term. They typically have lower IQ's than the average atheist, and don't like to look up word meanings like "church" to understand why it's as absurd as a "Muslim Synogogue." These atheists are the Uncle Toms, the embarrassing mentally deficient relatives, of the activist atheist movement.

So what causes this peculiar need for religionists to redefine words from their clearly defined meanings? What can’t they understand the simple concepts that have been codified in the English language for centuries without reprocessing them to fit their personal agenda? In a word: ignorance. It’s their lack of thirst for knowledge, a disregard for learning, a limited intellect.

I’m not convinced religion causes believers’ this peculiar mental impairment and language perversion propensity. I think the people who are attracted to religion are predisposed toward it and that their religious training and fervor, externally imposed or self taught, simply reinforces it. That they are oblivious to it is just one more justification for my anti-religious position. I guess that makes me a congregant of the “First Church of Our Lady of No Patience for Stupidity.”

News Flash: “Great Debate” Decides the God Question Once and for All !!

The following is taken directly from a fundie’s posting on an atheist board in Facebook on July 18, 2009. Brace yourself:

“A great debate between Dr. William Lane Craig (Christian) and Mr. Frank Zindler (atheist). After weighing the evidence from this great debate it is clear that it is time that you Atheists just accept that you are wrong. I am not here to debate you guys or stay in your little group. I will leave the debate up to the professionals in this great Debate that you all clearly need to watch :)

The polls from the debate with two of the top debaters in their field results are listed below :)

• 7,778 people attended the debate with thousands & thousands more tuning in on TV and Radio Channels.
  
• 6,168 filled out the ballots after the great debate
  
• 97% voted the case presented for Chistianity (sic) was the most compelling by a long shot
  
• Even 82% of the non-christian (sic) voted the case presented for Christianity was stronger
  
• Even 47 people who came to the debate indicated that they have now become believers
• Not one person became an Atheists (sic)

Please Wake Up Now! Jesus Loves You :)
Jay Adams”


Well, that settles that! Evidently this one and only “great debate” (as “Jay” has proclaimed it) was so lopsided, so overwhelming a victory for the supporters of God that this unfortunate fundie accepts it as some sort of proof of God’s existence, and affirmation of his belief. He is so excited, so relieved, so buoyed by the result that clearly he is ecstatic.

Indeed, how could we atheists all not just “Wake up Now!,” abandon all reason and fall to our knees following said debate? Plus, Jesus loves us!!

Of course the theist mind-slave had no idea this debate took place over 18 months ago, January of 2008. And naturally “Jay” couldn’t or wouldn’t provide a source / link that substantiate those stats he provided, because they were almost entirely made up by him or a Christian source he’d prefer not to divulge. After all, a little fabrication, embellishment and hyperbole on behalf of the Lord have always been endorsed by the Christian fathers. As I’ve often said, lying is a sacrament to them. But worse, they are such bad lies, so blatantly silly, that a child could see the fallacy of them, especially the conversion statements, irrespective of who presented the better argument.
After all:

• How could two men on a stage debating the existence/non-existence of the supernatural be perceived by any person with all their faculties as having proven, decided, and resolved an age old issue to the point where anyone could proclaim the question settled once and for all?



• How does anyone listen to a single debate, discarding all previous debates, and with no evidence or proofs offered for the supernatural, declare it as a nullification of non-belief and validation of belief?


• Where would one find an audience of non-believers so vapid and devoid of thought that they’d “come to Jesus” and abandon their logic and reason simply as a result of the efficacy of one man’s debate skills?


• How could the alleged “conversions” be verified as having been non-believers?

But most baffling of all… how does a Christian as stupid and insipid as “Jay” dress himself, find the bus stop, and get to his fry station at Burger King on time for the morning rush?

I wonder what it’s like to be a fundie and never have to be burdened by genuine thought.

Conversation with a “Devout Catholic” Hairdresser.

I was getting my hair cut today in preparation for my book signing event on Sunday.
The young lady, I’ll call her Stephanie, has been cutting my hair for a few months now, and is friendly and gregarious; reasonably articulate; normal in every way. I thought.

In casual conversation I mentioned my book. She was stunned momentarily, announced that she was a “devout catholic”, and told me light heartedly that I’m going to Hell. “Hey, no problemo here”, I said…” I hope Anne Frank knows how to play poker.’
Blank stare from Stephanie: “Who’s Anne Frank?” she asked.

Curious, I asked her exactly what she means by “devout Catholic” -- how exactly does it differentiate her from “regular Catholic”? She replied “Well, I go to mass every Sunday, don’t practice birth control, oppose abortion for any reason, and am a Conservative Republican.” The last one struck me as particularly weird since I don’t recall anything in Catholic dogma that demanded a particular political position or specific party affiliation as a prerequisite for being Catholic, devout or otherwise.

Being careful not to provoke anything that would cause her to carve a cross into the back of my head, I asked how often she read the Bible? She said she’s never read it.

I asked: “Well, you believe in transubstantiation I assume.” She said she never heard that term, but she follows the teaching of Jesus. So I ask what teachings of Jesus in particular she admires. Stephanie’s reply: “The Ten Commandments.” (!)

When I explain that the Ten Commandments preceded Jesus by a few thousand years, and were attributed to Moses she said “Oh, yeah, that’s right. But Jesus followed the Ten Commandments because he was Jewish.”

So I ask does she follow the same Jewish laws that Jesus did, as he told everyone they must, the ones in Leviticus, Deuteronomy, etc., like stoning unruly children to death, keeping kosher, not wearing mixed fiber clothes, not suffering witches to live…?
“Some kids sure could use a stoning.” She laughed “But I don’t believe in witches.”

I could tell she had no idea WTF I was talking about. But then she volunteered that she’d rather die in child birth, and leave her other three kids all under the age of 9, without a mother, than terminate the pregnancy of a severely ill malformed fetus that would likely not live more than a few hours. That was enough for me. There was a copy of a trashy celebrity magazine on her counter plastered with Michael Jackson’s face (yes, he’s STILL dead) which all of a sudden I found very interesting. I got a damn good haircut; I left her a 25% tip; set up the next appointment; and we said our goodbyes

So I had my answer. A devout catholic is one who goes to church every week; has no concept of a foundational element of her religion- transubstantiation; doesn’t practice birth control; never read the bible; doesn’t know who is credited with handing down Ten Commandments; hasn’t a clue what Jesus taught; and would kill herself and leave her three children motherless to give a defective fetus an hours worth of life.

Ok, got it. Thanks. Sorry I asked.

Pity the Poor Persecuted Christians

“Here in America the persecuation [sic] of Christians has not yet reached the feverish pitch as in other parts of the world. There is still a Constitution that protects them and allows them to freely practice their faith … Slowly, methodically, and incrementally the anti-God forces are working to remove that Constitutional barrier.”

So reads an extract from a Christian website article called “War on Christianity.” It goes on in great detail decrying how prayer & the Bible have been removed from public school; how public property can’t be used to show religious symbols; how churches are threatened with losing tax exemption for openly campaigning for a political candidate.

It claims unfair treatment by the media, bemoaning how religious events aren’t given enough coverage on the major media outlets, and how religious leaders are intentionally cast as “cold and impersonal.” Here’s the site: http://www.jeremiahproject.com/prophecy/warxian.html

They sound as though Christianity is undergoing a veritable Inquisition. Naturally, their perspective comes through the lens of people whose religious fervor infects every aspect of their life. Indeed, they cannot differentiate between their right to practice their religion (which is never even hinted at), and the rights of non-Christians NOT to have the Christian religion forced upon them...which is exactly what they are protesting. By impeding their holy charge to proselytize, convert, harass, badger, impose their beliefs and idiocy on others it is THEY who are being persecuted. That’s about as bizarre a reversal of logic as one could conceive.

There are many other Christian sites who, in the best tradition of their whining martyrs and saints before them, claim persecution at the hands of “secular America.”

Funny thing is … 78% of Americans are Christians. The vast majority of elected government officials are Christian. Seven of the nine Supreme Court Justices are Christian (the other two Jewish). But that doesn't seem to occur to them. Evidently the 16% of the country that comprises atheists and agnostics are united, and powerful enough, to conspire to bring about the demise of Christianity in America. Sounds like a cross between Joseph McCarthy’s Red Scare propaganda, and the vast Jewish Conspiracy myth.

Frankly, I wish it were so. If only Christians could experience genuine persecution just long enough to give them a first hand taste of the true horrors that Christians themselves perpetrated for ages on the Jews, Muslims, the Cathars, the Coptic Christians, “heretics”, atheists, “witches”, early scientists, homosexuals, various Christian sect offshoots, and indigenous peoples who refused capitulation to Christianity.

Let the poor put-a-upon US Christian majority experience the imprisonment, torture, pogroms, exiles, discrimination, displacement, genocide, cultural extinction, exclusionism, which their belief system and religious fervor has perpetrated on people all over the planet for almost two millennia. Then let them cry that they are “persecuted” because they aren’t allowed to shove their idiotic book of fables into our children’s minds in public school. OH MY, the HORROR!!

Enraged Christian Sends Scorching Letter of Protest to Post Rapture Pet Rescue Site

Well, seems some Christians (not the "True" Christians of course) are upset with my Eternal Earth-Bound Pets post rapture pet rescue service. http://www.eternal-earthbound-pets.com/

"Arlene's" letter to Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, and my response which follows it, need no more introduction than that. Enjoy.

This is a ridiculous scam!

I, for one, believe that the Lord will either take or provide for our pets. I believe this because the Bible says that all creation groans for the Lords return. He put that yearning in them so why would they want Him to come back if they weren’t going too? He says that He will create a new heaven and earth where animals will live with us just as in the Garden of Eden.

I’m sure atheists would not be aware of what the Bible says about these things. But I know that the Lord is our provider and true Christians trust Him to supply and care for our every need. Providing for our pets are our need. He would not use atheists for our provision and care givers but… the deceiver would!

So…any so called “Christian” who falls for this scam of yours is wasting their money because they won’t be going in the rapture either.

Please refrain from showing up in my inbox again.
Arlene


Dear Arlene,

Thanks for your letter.

Just for the record, I sent you no email. We do not send spam emails to anyone. Evidently someone you know sent it to you. Check the address.

As for your particular interpretation of scripture: that’s Your interpretation. There are approximately 50 million fundamentalist Christians in the US who will tell you that YOU are not a "true" Christian. But, that’s between you and them.

As for scripture, allow me to assure you, that I am not only well versed, I am considered something of a semi / demi-scholar on both the Tanakh (what you refer to as the “Old Testament”), and the New Testament.

Frankly I find your "Garden of Eden" on Earth concept in a post apocalyptic world immediately following the Rapture and during the Tribulation, to be rather wanting for scriptural support. But that's classicly indicative of Christians' tendency toward torturing scriptural verse into submission to make it justify their preferred view point. Nevertheless, you have a lovely imagination.

You’re entitled to your perspective of Christian dogma. There are over 2,800 sects/denominations of Christianity world wide. If they all agreed on exactly what your god's words meant, there wouldn't be so many of them... there would be only one. Glad to hear it's YOUR sect / YOUR denomination / YOUR personal perspective that is the correct one. That must be very comforting for you.

Have a nice trip. I just hope no one eats your dog for lunch while you’re gone.

Best regards,

Hump

God Fearing Christian Politicians Bite the Dust

By the time you read this you’ll know that Sarah Palin, Gov. of Alaska, McCain’s running mate by the Religious Right’s decree; empty headed fundie; darling of the unthinking religious whack jobs and Rush Limbaugh fanatics; and the woman who, last fall, one of my GOP deluded relatives proclaimed was "the best of all the Presidential candidates" ... has announced her resignation.

Palin says she “prayed” before making her sudden and totally out of the blue decision. Evidently God responded by telling her what we already knew -- she is an utter loser and unworthy to do anything more than go hunting, and play soccer mom and grandma to her “abstinence only” unwed daughter’s baby.

I’m waiting for her real reason to become public. Oh… it will be spun everyway from Sunday, but my considered guess is some really embarrassing story, or financial motive, is lurking just under the surface of her decision. Running for President in 2012? LOL! I doubt there are enough Republican’s who are so brain damaged to want to pit this numb scull against Obama. Bye, Bye, Sarah…don’t shoot yourself in the ass on the way out… it could cause cranial hemorrhaging.

Then there is that OTHER “top GOP presidential hopeful” for 2012 -- Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina. This fine upstanding Christian family man with four kids; this champion of Republican “Family Values,” got caught boffing some Argentinean babe while he was allegedly “hiking the Appalachian Trail.” The ole “Appalachian trail” excuse is destined to be a euphemism that will forever be right up there with “getting a Lewinski.”

Now, to be fair, it’s really not Gov. Sanford’s fault. As any good Christians of far right Republican bent will tell you, it’s those damn liberal abortion laws, birth control instead of abstinence efforts, and homosexual marriages that have weakened the nuclear family, and eroded “family values,” whatever the hell they are. Yep. Everything woulda been fine if those damn homos hadn’t been meddling in the sanctity of Gov. Sanford’s marriage. Bye, Bye, Mark ... don’t trip over your “Hiking Stick” (aka “Lewinski Pop”) on the way out.

Well, that narrows the field a bit. That leaves Hindu turned Born Again Christian Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana as the GOP’s best hope in 2012. You remember Bobby, the “young up and comer and New Face of the Republican Party.”

But you may remember Bobby best for the exorcism he conducted on his fiancée. It seems she was possessed by a demon or two, and ole Bobby, with his new found monotheistic fervor, was compelled to cast out that troublesome demon. Now there’s a guy you wanna see in the Oval office with his hand on the nuclear football. Sorry, Bobby… I don’t think so.

To be sure there are a bevy of Creationist / Intel Design, 6,000 year old Earth suborning Christian imbeciles who could be tapped to run against Obama in 2012. I’m rooting for it to be Mike Huckabee. My logic is simple: after losing to a sitting President by a land slide in 2012, and already having been tossed aside in 2008, it will mark Mike Huckabee’s last hurrah forever. Hey Mike, dust off your resume. I hear the First Church of the Baaing Sheep is looking for a preacher.

Bye, Bye bible thumping, hypocritical, supernaturally infected, reality denying Christian GOP presidential hopefuls. Don’t let a talking snake sneak up yer ass on the way out.

“I’m a Religious Nut and Non-Celebrity Loser … Please Kill Me Now!”

Before I rant on, let me first make it perfectly clear that I have never, and will never, view a single episode of the show that I am paraphrasing above. I consider the entire premise unworthy of my time. It demonstrates how low NBC has fallen, and the contempt in which they hold the viewing public. Based on the show’s strong ratings, the contempt is well deserved.

Not only are these people not celebrities in any sense of the word a thinking person would recognize, they are so vapid, so devoid of intellect, character or self respect that I fear I would commit mayhem if exposed to more than the flickering nanosecond it takes to switch to another station when the ads for it come on.

This led me to wonder: Given the desperate cry for attention that caused these third rate washed up media whores to participate in this show, how many of them are believers? I mean, lets face it … you’re not going to find atheist celebrities like Angelina Jolie, George Clooney, Natalie Portman, Woody Allen, Keanu Reeves, Jodie Foster, etc. etc., etc. signing on to this kind of low brow idiocy. Nah … this has got to be strictly the purview of theist losers.

So I did some quick research on the cast members of “I’m a Celebrity…. Etc.” Here are the results:

Stephen Baldwin: an alcoholic and the least talented of the five (six?) acting Baldwin brothers, Stephen is an avowed Born Again Christian. He can’t find legitimate employment being erratic and marginally retarded likely from his years of substance abuse, besides being just plain stupid. He credits Jesus for saving him from one mind numbing addiction and giving him another. Evidently he either conducted a baptism of the cast, or was asked to… and tried to proselytize among his less saved cast members.

In Wiki under “Mindless Rightwing Fanatic Fundie,” there is a picture of Stephen Baldwin, or there should be.

Daniel Baldwin: the second least talented of the Baldwin brothers. Loser, he has been arrested numerous times. Self proclaimed Born Again Christian. No surprise there.

Heidi and Spencer Pratt: two people who I have never heard of outside of this show. I take it that much like Paris Hilton they are famous for being famous, and that’s all. Evidently this Spencer jerk went ape-shit on the show to which his wife Heidi, a long time Christian it seems, exclaimed: "he is new to Christianity." I take that to mean that all new Christians go ape-shit(?). Later Spencer leads the group in prayer, which has the miraculous effect of convincing him to stick out the show and disgrace himself further. Hallelujah!

Patti BlogoWhatsHerFace: the wife of the disgraced, impeached, dismissed and soon to be imprisoned Gov. of Illinois -- he is Serbian Orthodox. I don’t know what she is. But she has been seen attending church with him. Thus she is theist, if only based on guilt by association.

Janice Dickenson: I have no idea what or who that is. She says she is Catholic.

Sanjaya Malakar: Not satisfied with just one imaginary god, this clown and American Idol reject is a Hindu. He’ll work for peanuts, just like his elephant god Ganesh. Vishnu be praised!!!

The rest of the cast are too obscure to actually have any info about them readily accessible on the net, but the point is made. There are no atheists, no skeptics, not even an agnostic who is so lacking in self respect, intellect or money to lend themselves to this offering of visual fecal matter, and potpourri of morons. No. It takes a theist to stoop to that level. Amen.