Just a few post election thank you notes (with apologies to Jimmy Fallon)

I hope you don’t mind, but I have to get these thank you notes out.  I’ll just be a moment or two. Cue the soft piano music ...


THANK YOU Billy Graham, for backing Romney as the champion of “Biblical Values” in spite of having previously declared Mormonism a cult on your web site, then subsequently quietly purging said condemnation, thus proving to the world ...again... what a phony and hypocrite you are.

THANK YOU failed GOP candidates Todd Akin (MO)and Richard Mourdock (Indiana), for professing your devout religiosity and brilliant medical knowledge, thus enlightening your state’s electorate - and the rest of a disgusted nation - about rape, it’s relation to god’s will, and the varying degrees of acceptable sexual assault.  Most elucidating.

THANK YOU Catholic Bishops, for indirectly threatening your flock with opposing god’s will if they vote for Obama, thus demonstrating the dwindling credibility and impotency of the Church over American Catholics who voted Obama over Romney  by 50 versus 48 percent.

THANK YOU  Paul Ryan, for your last minute election eve attempt to paint Obama as the anti- “Judeo-Christian Values” candidate.  It proved to all of us that the majority of the country are smart enough not  to share your idiotic obsession with the bible’s demand for valuing the killing of witches, homosexuals, or those who glean the fields on the Sabbath. 

THANK YOU  Mike Huckabee, ex-preacher, failed presidential wanna be, and impotent purveyor of religious imbecility, for telling folks that voting for Obama  will result in their damnation.  Evidently the only people that seemed to effect were your inbred, semi-literate Southern brethren who would have voted for a Republican talking mule; thus further underscoring the declining impact of religion and supernatural threats on a majority of the nation’s voters.

THANK YOU  Evangelical Fundamentalist Born Again Far Right Religious Fanatics, Christian Nation zealots,  Talk Radio Fascists, and Tea Baggers, for exposing your loss of influence,  proving that you are 19^th century emperors with no clothes in a 21^st century America.  Your failing may well encourage the GOP toward a more inclusive and less strident social platform, lest they become forever irrelevant.  Thank ya Cheezus.

Finally, but most importantly ...

THANK YOU  women, moderate/liberal Christians, gays, freethinkers, Latinos, and Americans of intellect, reason, modernity, equality, civility and humanity for once again reminding me that this nation is better than I had given it credit for.  I've never been happier to be proven wrong.    

Yours truly,
D. Hump