I don’t typically talk or write about Vietnam, I’d
just as soon forget it. I was going to include this account as a chapter in one
of my books and talked myself out of it both times. But I’m comfortable enough
now, in my waning years, to recount an episode that if nothing else reaffirms
my atheism. This isn’t a war story. I
don’t do war stories. This is a Jesus
story.
From my first days in country, and after being assigned to my unit, I heard the
phrase: “Charlie owns the night.” Our ground forces…Army, Marines, South
Vietnamese Army, Aussies, and assorted other allied troops ...we ruled the day
light hours. But Charlie, the Viet Cong irregulars, Charlie flourished in the
darkness.
This idiom was in the back of my mind when a week or so into my tour my squad
was sent out on ambush. Ten or twelve of
us, lead by our sergeant, were going out beyond our forward firebase’s concertina
wire and set up before darkness in a likely spot, perhaps a path through the
jungle, or a natural opening. There we’d
settle into position, an L-shaped configuration usually, in the hopes of
surprising Charlie, the Viet Cong, as they moved through the darkness…catching
him off guard, blowing claymores, and raining down shit on him.
Leaving our rucksacks and steel helmets behind, we wore only our soft boonie
hats, ammo bandoleers, combat suspenders and pistol belt with a canteen, extra
loaded magazines and fragmentation grenades; rifles, an M-79 grenade launcher, extra
belts of ammo for our machine gunner, some claymore mines, and a PRC-10 radio
(phonetically referred to as the “Prick”).
For my first ambush I was picked as the radio man.
We should have already pushed off. It was getting close to dusk, and you don’t
want to be humping the boonies in the dark.
But we were waiting for “Doc”, our medic. He showed up 20 minutes late, reeking of
weed. We pushed off.
We were about a klick, a 1000 meters, outside the wire when darkness started
to close in. The sergeant took point and
following his nose he lead us through tall elephant grass looking for a place that
was close by and advantageous for the ambush.
As he came around a curve in a trail, which we wouldn’t have been on had we
left earlier and it had been lighter, he shouted “HALT!” (an involuntary
ejaculation I suspect since shouting halt in the jungle is not SOP and rather
absurd), and immediately opened up with his M-16.We would later find out we had
walked head on into a unit of North
Vietnamese regulars, exact strength unknown.
In what seemed to be an instant hundreds
of green hornets were streaming over our heads (they shoot green tracer rounds
to track and adjust their rifle fire, we use red). The stream of bullets were cutting the tops of the elephant
grass over our heads as we all struggled to get on line and make ourselves as low
to the ground as we could, then lay down return fire in the direction of the
enemy.
The guy next to me wasn’t firing. He was
mumbling something I couldn’t understand between all the shooting and my sergeant
yelling orders at the top of his lungs.
“Gimme the fucking Prick!” That was
my queue to crawl over to the sergeant with the PRC radio.
It was about fifteen yards but felt like a mile. When I had almost reached him I realized I
couldn’t find the handset to the radio. I started to panic until Doc, mildly
bemused in spite of the shit storm all around us, gestured to me that the
handset was attached to the radio and was trailing behind me on the handset cord. Oh…yeah! The sergeant snatched the radio and started
calling in artillery support from our firebase.
I crawled back to my position next to the mumbling kid.
He was still mumbling, and hadn’t seemed to have fired a shot as evidenced by
there being no empty magazines around his position. Then I heard it. In between
my changing magazines and over the din of the shooting I could hear “…who
art in heaven hallowed be…”. He
was praying to Jesus….and crying.
In short order our artillery was dropping high explosive
shells about 75 to 100 meters to our front, and lighting the sky with
flares…better for us to see any enemy movement. Eventually the enemy fire
stopped. We set ourselves up in a tight perimeter in the event we were being
flanked and to fend off any attack. None
came. It got quiet. No one slept. The kid next to me was still
praying in between sobs. I must have heard “Jesus” mumbled in his southern
drawl about a thousand times that night.
I came to hate that kid as much as the word “Jesus.” The next morning the NVA were gone. We
counted three NVA bodies; took their weapons and their assorted effects, and
made it back to the fire base.
The praying kid was transferred to another platoon. Three or four months later he was killed in action.
I always wondered about that night.
About what would have happened if every guy on the squad was praying and
not focused on returning fire. About if that kid thought the reason he
survived, that we all survived that encounter, was owing to his prayers and
Jesus, and not because of ten or eleven other guys doing their duty, the
sergeant’s cool head and experience, and the artillery support. I also wondered
if, when he was killed, he was he still praying and not returning fire; if he
may have contributed to his own demise…and the deaths of two other guys in that
later action because of his dependence on his nonexistent God.
I’ll never know the answers to those questions. I still wonder about it, almost a half a
century later. But I know one thing for sure - that Jesus and any other
imaginary friend - is worse than useless in battle.