Why Zombies and Vampires are so Appealing to Americans.

I walked into the gun shop the other day and bought some gun powder to keep me busy reloading ammo over the winter.  The clerk, a friend, asked “Will that be enough to cover your needs for the zombie apocalypse?”  They also sell full color zombie targets, in various poses, genders and species, as well as a brand of ammunition specifically for Zombies. [ No, not kidding. Here:  http://www.hornady.com/ammunition/zombiemax ]

Seems you can’t flip through the cable channels, or browse a book store without finding walking dead show, vampire show, or books on the same. The Twilight franchise has generated over $6 billion in sales. The Walking Dead’s new season episode drew in 16 million viewers, a cable TV record.   
With Halloween just around the corner it’s a good time to ask:

       “WTF is with American’s obsession with zombies and vampires?”. 
 
I’ve seen a few theories. The most touted is the sexual implications associated with Vampires …all that lust, and male on (mostly) female bare neck salivating and such. But it goes much deeper than that. Besides, there’s nothing too erotic about rotting corpses…well, at least to those of us who don’t practice necrophilia.  Other countries don’t obsess over the un-dead as much as America does. The Japanese for example tend to prefer giant city destroying lizards and insects, or spirits and ghosts out for revenge for some perceived wrong done to them in life. 

So what’s up with this American fixation? My hypothesis is that America’s fascination with the undead is tied to it being the most religious (read: Christian) Western / Industrialized nation on the planet.   

 

Christians have this thing about eternal life. They fear the finality of death, thus reject it for the promise of eternal life.  Anything that promotes the continuation of life after death is to be admired, embraced. Jesus created zombies by bringing back the dead, and was a zombie himself three days after death. If Jesus can do it then it must be good, after all he was perfect! 
 
But it doesn’t stop there. Less obvious, but equally important - zombies like to eat brains, the organ devout religionists find utterly superfluous. Its intended use  causes questioning and reason thus is an impediment to the blind acceptance and spreading of belief.  Christians voluntarily refuse to use their brains to reason so it atrophies from lack of exercise. Thus brainlessness is a Christian sacrament. [You'll recall Martin Luther’s quip on reason being the enemy of Christianity.]  

As for Vampires - Christians have been symbolically drinking the blood of Christ during communion ceremony for almost two millennium. It’s doubly important to Catholics who actually believe the wine IS blood. And think about the reason vampires are traditionally frightened by a crucifix is: if your leader was nailed to one would you want one thrust in your face just before dinner?  Drinking blood is like mingling your DNA with the  Eternal Zombie’s, a veritable guarantee of eternal life.  My proof of this?  … Have you ever seen a Christian come out of  church after mass, slap himself in the forehead and exclaim: “I could’a had a V-8!” ?   I rest my case. . 

Hey, what could be more appealing to Christian Americans than blood drinking, brain eating, pre-programmed and fully predictable eternally undead with limited vocabularies and utter disregard for reason? (try reasoning with the undead or fundie Xtian and see how far it gets you).

So when the Zombies and Vampires make their annual appearance at your door this Halloween, as you drop the candy into their bags be sure to tell them:  “Thanks, but I’m not interested in giving away my brain or bodily fluids, or reading The Watch Tower … lurch on.”  

HAPPY HALLOWEEN