Let’s all Observe Holy Week – and all the usual obscenities that come with it.

Well, it’s that time of year again when the mythical man-god of the Christians who committed suicide by cop to save the world from his own retribution, is credited with rising from his tomb, seeing his shadow and thus condemning the planet to a few millennia of superstition, lies, rejection of science, and assorted mystical stupidity.

Yes… It’s Holy Week, the week before Easter – which of course we all know was co-opted from the pagan celebration of the goddess Ishtar AKA Eostre  by the Council of Nicaea in 325 C.E.,  almost three-hundred years after the alleged death of the alleged Jesus.

So besides the usual egg rolling, egg hunts, egg dying, Cadbury crème egg eating, Peep sucking, Jelly-Belly sugar highs, weirdos in bunny costumes terrifying children, and a nice smoked spiral ham, exactly what else do Xtians do during this most religious of Christian holidays?  For a majority of Xtians that about does it. For the most religiously afflicted, they’ll go to their local church and pretend to believe they are drinking man-god blood and eating man-god flesh, and feel oh so holy. 

But to a select group of Christians they’ll go above and beyond and really give it their all.  Here’s a short list of how some Christians are honoring their zombie man-god this Holy Week.

If you live in the insanely Catholic Philippines you could volunteer to be crucified with genuine nails and hung up for a few minutes to demonstrate your devoutness.
   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/29/filipino-devotees-reenact_0_n_2978190.html

Or, if crucifixion isn’t your “thang” you can don a hood and flagellate yourself into a bloody pulp thus absolving yourself of your sins.
 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/17/maundy-thursday-philippines-whippings_n_5166875.html?utm_hp_ref=religion

Or, maybe you can get some Brazilian kids whose undeveloped toddler brains have been washed and dried by their Christian folks to splatter a child in fake blood and pretend to crucify him in honor of the holiday. [Photo above]  http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2014/04/17/toddlers-and-blood-sacrifice-you-cant-start-em-too-young/

 
Or, if you’re into foot fetish, maybe you can get away with it publicly by emulating the pope, washing strangers’ feet and French kissing some toes just like Jesus was said to have done to show his humanness and “humility” (I so hate that word these days). http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/pope-francis-foot-washing

Or, you can exercise your crazy like the Rev. John  “I support John McCain; and by the way, Hitler was a God send for the Jews” Hagee by declaring the recent lunar eclipse / ”blood moon” an omen of big happening for Israel and the foretelling of  the End Times….again.   http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/04/14/pastor-john-hagee-tuesdays-blood-moon-eclipse-signals-the-end-of-the-world/

Or, [now follow this closely] if you’re an ethnic Russian and of the Russian Orthodox Church living in Eastern Ukraine - while accusing the ethnic Ukrainians of fascism and neo-Nazism - you can illegally occupy a government building and issue a written demand that all Jewish residents (those damn Christ Killers!) of the town you’re illegally occupying register their Jewishness on pain of sever penalty.   http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2014/04/17/jews-ordered-to-register-in-east-ukraine/7816951/

Yep, that famous Christian ethic and its accompanying dignity and reason rise to a crescendo of grotesqueness during Holy Week.  But then why not?  For unlike the Passover question of “What makes this night different from all other nights?” when it comes to Easter week and the nuttiness and incivility of Christianity … the answer is “absolutely nothing.”