The End is Near- REPENT! Or at least, don’t laugh so hard

It won’t be long now. In fact, according to a whole bevy of religious morons, this should be my last blog, unless The Anti-Christ gives me the ok. The May 21st Rapture event is almost upon us. And even though it’s been great for my post rapture pet rescue business (sales volume up 27% for the 1st quarter versus 2010) frankly it’s been a drain.

Between interviews with newspapers and radio stations all over the country, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand; and the over 1400 emails we received from atheists, prospective clients, clients and raving lunatic Christians, I’ve been ignoring my husbandly duties and just as importantly, the dogs. I’m glad it’s almost over.

But I suspect May 22 is going to be anticlimactic, something of a let down. Oh, not just for the rapture believing nutters who have bought into Mr. Camping’s prophesy, That’s a given; but also for me and I imagine millions of atheists around the country. I’ll explain...

Like most of us thinking folks, I look forward to being able to rub the noses of the deluded into their failed prophesy. I want to hold out hope that some of them take this as a kick in the ass learning experience which causes them to rethink their foolish doctrine, or at least recognize their gullibility. I want to see the purveyors of the fraud called on the carpet by their duped followers, and watch them sheepishly hem and haw in the glare of the TV lights, beads of embarrassment induced sweat dripping down their porcine cheeks and red necks.

But none of this will happen. It’s wishful thinking on my part. What will happen is what happens after every an End Times prophesy is hyped by some soothsaying cross kissing huckster. The duped will be too embarrassed to admit their hysteria (enthusiasm?) was stupid. They will simply say it was “premature” and that the rapture is right around the corner...really!! Instead of diminishing their faith it will be renewed, made stronger. Count on it.

Mr. Camping, and his shaman ilk who have promoted the event, will shamelessly claim their calculations were off. They failed to carry the two, or factor in the time change, or divide by the Trinity, or some such nonsensical horse hockey. They’ll go back to the drawing board and, unabashedly, come up with a new date. They always come up with a new date.

They may even claim that Jesus pulled a bait and switch and postponed things to give non-believers “one more chance” to come to their senses, repent and embrace him. All of this of course out of mercy for which Jesus has become so famous.

Invariably I’ll be flooded with emails from fundie pet owners who paid for a ten year post rapture pet rescue contract, and now want a refund ‘cuz they were banking on May 21 being the big one, and need their money to pay next week’s rent on their double-wide. They are in for another disappointment.

Yeah, it’s going to be a let down. How much better it would have been if they beamed up, leaving only intelligent life here on Earth. Oh well, there’s always the Dec. 2012 Mayan calendar end of the world prediction. I can hardly wait.