Once a year I take a break from posting a religious themed article, and indulge my softer gentler side by listing secular things that really piss me off. Here now, in no particular order is:
HUMP’S ANNUAL TOP TEN LIST OF HIDEOUS ANNOYANCES
- Those little disclaimers under TV commercials that say “Do not attempt”. Like when you watch the Maytag repairman drive a monster truck over 20 lined up washing machines. Or you see a stunt woman jump off a twenty story building and crash through a glass sky light. As though anyone will go and buy 20 washing machines and drive a truck over them; or rush out and jump off a high-rise building. Any company who thinks we are that stupid doesn’t deserve our business.
- Barney Frank (D-MA)
- Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
- Nancy Pelosi (D- Botox test dummy)
- The Comcast computer generated animated commercial with the obnoxious monotone sing song theme music that goes on for what feels like an eternity (a full minute to be exact). I am now stalking all Comcast vans with a battery powered nail gun.
- Paul Schaffer. The bald headed pseudo-cool, shades wearing, sycophantic douche bag from the David Letterman show makes me want to randomly kill bald men.
- People who say “The proof is in the pudding”; and “Music has charms to soothe the savage beast.” Oy!! The correct phraseology is “The proof of the pudding is in the tasting.”; and “… to soothe the savage breast.” For Christ sakes, if you’re going to use an old saw, at least use it correctly!
- Old people who dawdle at or below the speed limit on a two lane 30 mph highway, while riding the brake every nine seconds, in a five mile long no passing zone, never thinking to pull over to let pass the twelve cars tailgating behind, all of whom are late for their doctor’s appointment.
- That Volks Wagon commercial with the German accented talking VW bug who sounds like a caricature of Sgt. Shultz from the old Hogan’s Heroes show. Yeah, great ... makes me wanna go right out and buy a car from a Nazi war criminal. Idiots.
- The “Octo-Mom”. For god’s sake woman, a vagina is not a clown car!!!
Ok… break’s over. Everyone please get back to stamping out religion now.