Sunday, March 25, 2012

Hump’s Nominees for Hades’ Most Welcome Inductees

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t sit around all day reading the obits or watching CNN to see if people I despise have gone belly up. And unlike the religious fanatic nutters, I don’t offer up the time honored and biblically endorsed imprecatory prayers in an appeal to some Holy Sky Booger to off someone on my defecation list leaving their children fatherless, their wives widows. To whom would I submit my appeal anyway?

I wish death on no one...I just want them to go away, one way or another. But as I’ve said before, I’ve never claimed to be John Donne. Each man’s demise doesn’t necessarily diminish me in the fricken least. There are some folks whose descent into the realm of the earthworm buffet would make this a kinder, gentler, more intelligent, healthier, and all around better world.

That said, in no particular order of well deserved disdain, is my list of nominees for the title of Hades’ Most Welcome Inductees:

- Intolerant Moral Compass Setters:
These are religiously driven zealots who draw their sense of what is moral not based on civility, kindness, and the absence of cruelty and injustice; but upon what offends their deity and disgusts them personally.

This group includes the politicians, clergy, church organizations, self styled moral icons, and ad hoc “Million Whatevers Against” groups who claim they don’t hate gays, they just hate what gays do. They invent reasons why gay marriage threatens their own marriage; seek to over turn laws endorsing equal rights; and are fixated upon defending word definitions like “marriage” to ensure it doesn’t include devoted homosexual couples.

This group also includes the anti inter-racial marriage bigots, “homosexuality is a choice” morons, and crusaders against adult pornography, string bikinis, mini skirts, women eating bananas in public, and purple Tele-Tubbies.

-History Revisionists:
The unread who wallow in self imposed ignorance preferring to glean their understanding of history based not on the source documents of the time, but on carefully manufactured distortions, quote mining, and the discounting/ignoring of historical documentation that are contradictory to their agenda and thus considered “irrelevant.”

These candidates are the “Christian Nation” advocates who claim the Separation of Church and State is a fabrication to be torn down; that our Founding Fathers were Christians one and all; that this nation was founded on “Judeo-Christian Principles” and its laws based on the Ten Commandments, or by Jesus’ direct intervention. Some assert if you’re not a follower of Jesus you are not a true American.

Some of these folks aren’t actually ignorant of the true facts; we call them by their more colorful sub-classification of “Fucking Theocracy Endorsing Liars.”

- Keepers of the Genitalia / Womb Monitors
Popes, Bishops, priests, ministers, activist Catholic laymen, religio-Politicians, and sanctimonious religious hypocrites who themselves would change their minds if it’s their wife or kid in question – who oppose contraception and a women’s right to maintain exclusive control of her reproductive system.

These same people are typically enablers of sexually active and pedophile inclined religious organizations; some see AIDS as a divine punishment; most oppose sex education; a majority consider abstinence or an aspirin between a woman’s knees the only acceptable form of birth control; some have no problem forcing women to bear the children of their rapist or relatives and would fight to ensure a terminally ill deformed fetus is naturally delivered even though it may kill the women they condemn to deliver it.

- Science Hating Purveyors of Stupidity
This group includes politicians who sponsor legislation to introduce mysticism into public school science classes by demanding creationism be given scientific credibility where none exists. They call evolutionary theory a lie, a fake, a mistake, “just a theory,” or a delusion of Satan, while they have never themselves read an actual scientific tome on the subject and likely couldn’t fathom it if they did..

They take campaign donations from organizations who are devoted science haters like The Discovery Institute in order to promote ignorance and myth. These people are no longer confined to the most backward countries or least educated states. They exist everywhere, including the most educated and least religious states in the nation. We have at least seven in New Hampshire.

- Politically Motivated Conspiracy Theory Racists

The “Birthers”, the “Obama is a Muslim” and the “Obama is the Anti-Christ” crazies who could no more be convinced of the error of their obsessive beliefs than if they themselves were in the delivery room, attended church with Obama for 20 years, or if Satan himself told them they were asshats.

As I said- I don’t wish these nominees for Hades induction dead. Such a thing would be a waste of time and energy, and is simply impolite.
I just want them all to go to hell.


Chatpilot said...

Nice post Hump, if there really was a hell I think the first ones to go there would be believers for their blatant and hypocritical ways. I had some new anonymous poster jump on my blog and curse me out on several posts for not believing in his favorite myth. Whatever happened to love your enemies? LOL

NewEnglandBob said...

So many inductees in those categories. That makes it scary to contemplate.

tiNstAg said...

As you say Hump, the problem is that there is no hell, only the relatively short period of consciousness that we have as transient sentient beings. Most of these immoral, hedonistic bastards know this too, and that's why they act the way they do and exploit the cretinous halfwits that believe in the crap they espouse.

David said...

I find the Intolerant Moral Compass Setters particularly offensive. They are particularly active at the moment with Gay Marriage such a big issue. I have seen the so called moral guardians get in the newspapers and write pieces that claim that it is in fact gay people that are bigoted for not shutting up and accepting the condemnation of the homophobic anti gay marriage campaigners ( The guy who wrote this is a Research Associate with the Centre for Faith, Ethics and Society at Notre Dame, and like a true Catholic he claims to be passionate about young people.) They claim that their position is not intolerant and bigoted but instead that that they love gay people. Funny kind of love really. When you look at what the woman he is defending does prescribe for gay people - training them to hate themselves and their sexuality through reparative therapy. And of course demanding they live a life of celibacy, denying them the joy of ever experiencing love and intimacy. Like you say I don't want these people to die necessarily, I just wish someone would tell them to fuck off and that in a multicultural and secular country the moral code to which they demand compliance has no significance outside of the significance they assign to it within their silly little congregations.