Word of advice to a prayerful young car salesman

Scott  _ _ _ _ _
XXX Holden Hill Rd.
Langdon, NH 03602

Dear Scott,

I’m one of your neighbors to whom you sent your letter announcing your new position as salesman at the Toyota dealership in Keene. I live just down the hill at the “Camel Ranch.”  Congratulations and good luck on your new career. 

Interestingly, your timing is propitious since my wife and I are about to replace her aging 2001 Nissan Altima.. Even more coincidental, while I have traditionally purchased my cars from Nissan of Keene (a neighbor being the dealership owner, as you probably are aware) a friend suggested I look into the Toyota Camry.  Note that I said coincidental, not a miracle, nor part of God’s plan, not even an answer to your prayers- which brings me to the reason for this letter.  I have some advice to offer.

I’m presuming you’re young.  Then again compared to me most people are.  I surmised this for two reasons: first, because you just did a hitch in the Air Force and didn’t mention that it was a career choice; and second because your letter was... well... unpolished. But that’s forgivable.  The fact that you took the initiative to reach out and promote your self to friends, neighbors and relatives to try and develop a clientele is admirable.

But you made a misstep in your closing paragraph that comes close to being unforgivable. I’m not entirely sure what you meant by “My prayers and heartfelt appreciation is with you.”  

You see, Scott, I don’t want your prayers.  I didn’t ask for your prayers. I dismiss prayer as both silly and a waste of time.  I can’t even imagine what you would pray for, and to whom, on behalf of a complete stranger who you’ve never met.  I also don’t think you are genuinely praying for me, or for the other complete strangers and prospective clients to whom you sent your letter.  My educated guess is that it was an empty and meaningless knee-jerk platitude.

I don’t care if you just assumed it was a harmless nicety; or that it was heartfelt because of a religious upbringing; or whether it is something the Air Force taught you - their propensity for attempts at religious indoctrination of airmen having been widely reported.  Religious references have no place in a business letter; that is unless you’re selling Bibles, religious paraphernalia, actual pieces of the True Cross, or a time share in Jesus’ tomb.  It’s simply inappropriate.  It won’t endear you to the already religious because they know it’s an empty platitude since they use it themselves. But it can alienate you from reasoned and thinking people who reject religion as nonsensical pap at best; a world wide evil at worst.

I was [  ] ß this far from throwing your letter in the trash and bypassing Toyota altogether.  But I will put aside your inadvertent offense born of your being a business neophyte and likely completely unaware of how insipid your prayer reference comes across.  I will not hold it against you.

When my wife and I come to your dealership we will ask for you.  Calm yourself Scott.   It is not an answer to your prayers. The Hindu god Ganesh is the god of good fortune, and I doubt he is on your list of prayed to deities.    If my non-belief is an impediment to your selling me a car pass me onto another salesman who knows how to differentiate between earning a living, and promulgating their delusion. Just be sure you keep your religion, prayers, and offer of an extended warranty to yourself.

[[[Note:  I haven't sent this letter...yet.  Mrs. Hump threatened to turn me into a gelding camel if I do.  Weighing the cost benefits.]]]]