Sunday, December 13, 2009

Youth Pastor Wanted: Gump was right "Stupid is as stupid does."

“Celebration Family Church is looking for a self-motivated leader with a passion for preschool and elementary age children …” “… Children’s Ministries Director will be responsible for overseeing leading and guiding Children's Ministry which focuses on infants – 8th grade. [Bold emphasis mine]

The above ad for a Youth Pastor position nearly knocked me on the floor (not the church sign… that’s fake). It reminded me of those funny headlines Jay Leno reads on his show, you know, the kind that make you say “What were they thinking???!!!”

Given the nationwide epidemic of clergy pedophilia, with a goodly number of Youth Ministers/Pastors among them, you’d think the folks at the Celebration Family Church might have used slightly different phraseology. But my guess is they are so unthinking that they are completely oblivious to the implications of a clergyman who has “… a passion for preschool and elementary age children.” Of course, I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt by assuming they are comatose or imbeciles. The alternative would be to suggest they are actually encouraging pedophiles to apply -- a front for NAMBLA.

Some irate Christian reading this will no doubt feel the need to defend this ironic and patently stupid ad’s wording. They will accuse me of being puerile at best, or a lascivious degenerate at worst. After all “passion” has many meanings of a nonsexual nature. But that’s just denial, something Christians are trained to do. The reality is clergy molestation has dominated the news for years. Just do a Google Images search for “Youth Pastor / Minister Molesters” and the crowded gallery of faces will disgust you. One would have had to have just hatched from an egg not to see the unfortunate inference in that ad’s wording and not be stunned by its insensitivity.

I would be remiss if I did not make an observation about the last sentence in the advertisement. Exactly what does a church person do with infants as it relates to “leading and guiding” them? Lead and guide them to what? When my sons were infants Mrs. Hump and I pretty much lead them to open their mouths for their “flying airplane” baby food spoon; and guided them not to use their feces for modeling clay. Somehow I don’t get the impression that food and feces is the focus of a Youth Ministry’s guidance.

Evidently the concept of “Get ‘em while their young and moldable” is a common theme for both pedophiles and religious indoctrinators ... both of which are criminal, or should be.


NewEnglandBob said...

NewEnglandBob shakes his head in disgust, thinking "Do these people ever learn any lessons?" "Oh, right", he continues thinking, "these are people who have faith instead of thoughts".

Another village idiot is happy with himself.

Larian LeQuella said...

Very funny in a sick and sad sort of way.

BTW, I may have to back out of Skeptics at the Pub this month due to a trip to Israel... Business, nothing holy about it..

Dromedary Hump said...

Is that skeptics at the pub thing in Keene? I've been invited, but never got around to attending.
good luck on your trip.

David B. Appleton said...

"Of course, I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt by assuming they are comatose or imbeciles."

I'm reminded of the old saying (and one that find myself repeating regularly): Never ascribe to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Corbie said...

Looking at the website for the church, they certainly do like the indoctrination. Let's see, they have (had, I guess, since they're advertising the position) a "Youth Pastor" - " energetic, dedicated Youth Pastor at CFC. He is nicknamed "The Pied Piper" as wherever he goes, the youth follow. He is dedicated to the preaching, teaching and leading youth." And then, you have your "Kidz (sic) Church Coordinator" - "...In addition to coordinating kids church ages 5 to 12, Eva is director of our daycare Trinity Christian Childcare. Eva is a dedicated leader and bible teacher for the kids at CFC." And the, of course, you have your "Toddler Church Coordinator" - "...she is dedicated to seeing that our littlest ones hear the simplicity of the gospel. She shares bible stories & crafts with them providing a special time of learning and fun during our services."

3 positions dedicated to grabbing those kids by their (figurative, I hope!) naughty bits so that their hearts and minds will follow. I'm most curious about the toddler/infant thing--do they name assorted Peeps after various heretics and blow them up in the microwave to demonstrate what hell's all about? Do they have them making dioramas of various famous biblical battles with the virgins being victoriously carried from the field for rape by the winners? Or do they just show them things from The Brick Testament (which is hilarious) -

NewEnglandBob said...

"Never ascribe to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity."

That then explains Sarah Palin, but it does not explain Michele Bachmann, malicious congressperson.

Joyce said...

The wording is pretty dumb. We have a huge area for kids from infants to high school. The infants and littlest ones are treated just like they should be -- the focus for the infants and tiniest ones is holding them, feeding them, distracting them from missing their parents while they're at service. It's just loving babysitting, nothing sinister.

Corbie said...

Joyce, here's what one of my local churches has on their website: "Our nursery provides care for infants and toddlers. From the moment you release your infant into our care, you can expect them to receive love and attention from our trained Nursery staff. They will be played with, held, diapered, rocked, and, most importantly, prayed for.

Your toddler will have a great time with our staff. They will enjoy a Bible story, snack, and active worship. We model to the toddlers how to worship enthusiastically, respect others, share, and pray all while using My First Look curriculum."

If you want to see something comprehensive in the brainwashing line, take a look at the "My First Look" webpage - They recommend starting kids out at the age of *1*.

Dromedary Hump said...

Joyce said...

There are so many things that I was brought up to believe that I abandoned when I got older. My parents believed that they should raise us Catholic. To this day, all of us have abandoned the Catholic faith. We made our choices as we got older.

I was also brought up with a deep knowledge of my anscentry. I still love the Polka to today. :)

I don't see any harm in raising your children in what you believe is right. That's a parent's decision.

Many of my friends who were brought up in the Christian faith have abandoned it. None feel as though they had been brainwashed; leaving the faith was something that decided didn't fit their lifestyle and they no longer believed it. I have seen no regular patterns of children being harmed because their parents raised them in the church.

Dromedary Hump said...


Your comments are reasonable and I can't argue with what your observations/personal experiences are (except the Polka..which i find dispicable :)

I see things like "Jesus Camp"; and what Fred Phelps has done to his kids and they to his grand kids; and I listen to home schooled children espouse creationism as reality; and see what muslim fanatics do with training their kids in extemist/Jew haters... miniatures of themselves; and my position is that nothing good can come from the indoctrination of a blank slate which is a child's mind.

Morality and ethics ... the golden rule can be taught to children without infusing fear of damnation, biblical prejudices, and supernaturalistic explanations for a natural world.

Laurie said...

Hi Hump,
NewEnglandBob recommended your book to me some months ago and time went by and I had forgotten about it. Your appearance over at RDnet a few days ago reminded me to place the order. I'm half way through at this point and really enjoying it.

Dromedary Hump said...

Hi Laurie,
Thanks so very much. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Bob has been a great supporter of my book for which I am very grateful.


Joyce said...

The only thing that bums this Christian Polish girl out is that I was taught ''In Heaven There is No Beer''. That sucks.

Dromedary Hump said...

and you call that heaven???
Logic tells me then that hell has hard liquor.

LaurieB said...

If you're so worried about no boozing in heaven then why don't you consider converting to Islam? In Islamic heaven there are rivers of flowing wine and plenty of steamy sex too!

Anonymous said...


Have you considered The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? It's a benign religion (especially the holy pirates). But the real bonus is that there is beer in the afterlife regardless whether you're good or bad - "The Pastafarian belief of Heaven contains a beer volcano and a stripper factory. The Pastafarian Hell is similar, except that the beer is stale and the strippers have sexually transmitted diseases."

Also around the time of Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, Pastafarians celebrate a holiday named "Holiday". Holiday does not take place on "a specific date so much as it is the Holiday season, itself". Because Pastafarians "reject dogma and formalism", there are no specific requirements for Holiday. Pastafarians are instructed to celebrate Holiday however they please.

Sounds pretty good to me! Wadda say?

- Fastthumbs

Dromedary Hump said...

Wine? Steamy sex? Beer? Strippers?

Damn... I wonder if i can become a Islamo-Pastafarian and make the best of both heavens.

Take me now Allah/FSM (marinara be upon them both)!!!

LaurieB said...

I wonder who gets to "do" Jesus and Mo in heaven?
I wonder if either of them are any good...
I doubt it.

Dromedary Hump said...

I think this answers your question.

Rachelle said...


If Jesus can turn water into wine...why not beer? It's his party. LOL!

I still say teach the kids compassion and human decency but leave the church out of it (and for feck sake...keep them away from anyone who has "a passion for children."...I can see priests salivating at the very thought.)....If you're a believer, at least wait til the kids are old enough to think for themselves. If they still choose a belief system after that then so be it.