Dear Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA,
First off this is beyond dumb. after [sic] the rapture you wont be on earth [sic] you will be on [sic] hell. the [sic] earth [sic] will be given to God [?] and his believers (which you would know if you read a bible once in your life). Also God will give his believers what made them happy on earth [sic].
Not being one to ignore gross stupidity the following was sent in reply:
Thank you for your interest in our service.
As a student of religion, having read both the KJV and NIV; many other volumes on comparative religion, Biblical criticism, Christianity and Christian apologetics; and minored in religion (majored in psychology) in college -- my understanding of scripture is rather complete.
I interpret Christian doctrine as it is drawn from the Bible by mainstream Christian denominations, not from a 1989 animated cartoon which seems to be your preferred source of doctrine. You may want to consider the more established source.
The "Rapture" is not in fact Biblical, but an interpretation by a minority of Christian sects drawn from 1Thessalonians. Considering the exclusionary and hideous Christian doctrine that sends non-believers, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, indeed the majority of the planet to a place of eternal torture for simple non-belief in Jesus; the inventive idea of your pet gerbil and garter snake hobnobbing with Jesus while Anne Frank, Gandhi, and Jonas Salk burn in hell for eternity makes the already horrid Christian doctrine even more obscene a concept. But likely that irony is lost on you.
Nothing in the Bible describes heaven vis-à-vis its physical properties, environs, or "god providing" everything one wants. If you can find such Biblical chapter and verse I'd be delighted to see it. Some Christian sects like to invent their preferred image of heaven, or draw it from movies and imaginative Christian writers. That’s fine. But it’s all fabrication much like female or chubby little baby angels, which also are not supported by / mentioned in the Bible. This is all no doubt a shock to you.
As for "beyond dumb," let not your heart be troubled. The steady flow of income from pet loving Rapture believers more than compensates for any "dumbness" on the part of my staff, my clientele, or me.
On an unrelated note: I am curious as to why religionists insist on capitalizing certain words at random when they are in a letter writing religious fervor. Perhaps I’ll publish a research paper on the prose and grammar of religionists. I hope you don't mind that I'll be using your letter as an example of this inexplicable affectation.
If we can be of any service in the future please feel free to let us know.
My best to you,