Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Thing behind the curtain & It’s self appointed press secretaries

Leave reality behind for a moment and allow yourself a bizarre flight of fantasy.
Imagine that the President of the United States, arguably the most powerful man on the planet, has never been seen. He never ran for office, and was never elected by official ballot. No one has ever personally met him. He never meets with foreign officials. He never speaks publicly. He never appears in person, in pictures, or on TV, the radio, or the internet. He is said to have written, or at least “inspired” a book to be written, that defines his political positions and vision for the nation; albeit, the original text has never been seen only redacted and reshuffled copies of the original manuscript exist.

And instead of having just one press secretary to interpret his book of policies, issue his edicts, explain his positions, and define his objectives he has thousands upon thousands of self appointed spokesmen-spin doctors speaking on his behalf. Many if not most of their interpretations and explanations are in diametric opposition to some of their fellow spokesmen’s understandings and pronouncements. Each of them accuses the other of being false spokesmen, or “not true press secretaries.”

The result would best be described as chaos. It wouldn’t take long for the American public to become disillusioned and completely dismissive of the nation’s leader and his self-appointed quasi-official mouthpieces. Surely calls for impeachment would follow; people would be on the verge of revolution; the heads of the soothsayer spokesmen would roll in the streets. Shouts of “Mr. President show yourself and speak to us directly! Prove you are who your spin doctors say you are, or which one they say you are if you ‘are’ at all! Resolve the confusion and conflicts among your official un-official professors once and for all!” would ring in every city, town, village and hamlet in the nation.

Absurd you say? Who could imagine such a thing, or allow it to happen? How anyone could give that president or his “ministers of spin” any credibility, much less entrust him or them to guide their lives for even a moment much less a four or eight year term is simply implausible.

And yet the vast majority of Americans, and billions of people around the world, not only endure such a construct, they endorse it, embrace it, couldn’t conceive of existence any other way. Not just for four or eight years, but for their entire lives. Just substitute the word “God” for the title “President,” and “Clergy” for his thousands of press secretary minions and what I described in my hypothetical construct becomes as real and as natural as a priest’s erection at a choirboys’ rehearsal.

One would think (if in deed one can think at all) that when your invisible divine being needs an army of contradicting spokesmen spin doctors all of whom claim to be speaking for it, you can pretty much figure the reclusive and inscrutable divine thing they profess to speak for is either senile and confused, mute and in a coma, or non-existent.

But no. Instead the faithful take sides. They form into competing parties that proclaim THEIRS to be the one true “party of god”; THEIR spokesmen best represents THEIR god’s / gods’ wishes. THEY represent the true invisible silent god, the others worship a false invisible silent god and follow the interpretation of false prophet / not a true believer spokesmen.

Sound crazy? It is. It’s the stuff of fantasy stories like Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, or Gulliver’s Travels. Stories that if they were real places with real people would be a nightmarish existence where fiction is taken as fact, lies accepted as truth, confusion and contradiction perceived as clarity and cohesion, edicts of genocide and violent punishment perceived as just, good and loving.

If forced to live in such a world I would do what I do now - use every opportunity I had to proclaim: “Pay no attention to the thing behind the curtain, it does not exist; and the one speaking in front of the curtain is full of shit.”


Motorhead said...

Brilliant! Outstanding, man. My favorite AC blog yet. Keep 'em comin' Hump!

longhorn believer said...

I'm looking for synonyms for brilliant! Bravo Hump!

I'm going to click my little red shoes together three times and see if I can find a sane world!

Rastifan said...

A fabulous analog to the religious delusion. And a fabulous way to start the day over the coffee.

This was enjoyable:)

Anonymous said...

"as real and as natural as a priest’s erection at a choirboys’ rehearsal"
Hilarious. Love it.

Seriously Hump, I smell a best-selling work of fiction here! How 'bout under the title of "President X"? I can see the believers reading this book and at some point getting to the realization:(not knowing about the hidden religious understory at first)


NewEnglandBob said...

Some of what you describe in the first few paragraphs made me think of the current Republican party. the 'senile and confused' was Ronald Reagan and 'fiction is taken as fact, lies accepted as truth, confusion and contradiction perceived as clarity and cohesion' is the teabaggers, especially Sarah Palin. As you stated, we do live under that nightmare you describe, in more than one way

Dromedary Hump said...

Thanks everyone, apppreciate your kind words and input.

Lisa said...

A bit off-topic...but on last night's Delaware Senate debate between Tea Party Christine O'Donnell and Dem Chris Coons, O'Donnell was asked if she still believed that evolution was a myth. Skirting the question, she said school districts should be able to teach whatever they wanted, including creationist theory. Moderator Wolf Blitzer cut her off and reiterated, asking her to just answer the question. She then said, What I believe doesn't matter, and launched into sound bites about her opponent raising taxes. She flunked many other questions, too, but that one caught my ear.

Rachelle said...

Lisa--Sarah Palin pulled the same sh*t during her debate with Joe Biden years ago. The only reason he didn't crush her was because he didn't wanna seem like an intelligent, experienced bully picking on a half-witted woman. Palin purposely skirted the issues and admitted as such: "I may not answer the questions the way you want me to...but" followed by babbling nonsense and eye winks. The mod should have asked: "Then why the f*ck are you even here wasting our time?"

Here in Nevada we have tea party fave Sharron Angle doing the same thing--saying she wants the press to only ask her questions that SHE wants to answer. As if it works that way anywhere but on Fox News. We'll see how her debate with Harry Reid goes tonight.
Hump said: “Pay no attention to the thing behind the curtain, it does not exist; and the one speaking in front of the curtain is full of shit.”
LOLOL! That's another classic. LOL! "Full of sh*t" And/or f*cking nuts. LOL!

Helga said...

Yes Hump, well written. Will try out your Thing Behind The Curtain analogy next time I come across a sad god-botherer.

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