Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Doing my holy duty per the Pope's request: Let us pray.

The pope has called on everyone to pray for the twelve nuns who have been abducted by Syrian rebels.

Evidently Christians there are viewed as being supporters of President Assad, or at least not sympathetic to the rebel cause (not surprising since the rebels include Islamic fundies, who likely would make life miserable for Christians if they controlled Syria). 

This is an unfortunate situation, and I hope they are released unharmed.  So, in response to the pope’s appeal I have written a note and burned it in a sacrificial fire laced with incense that it may more readily be received by god, and stand out among all the other non-documented / neutral smelling prayer mumblings of the faithful; you know, like having a resume that really pops.

Here it is: 

Dear father, and/or son, and/or holy ghost,

I hope this non-prayer finds you all in good health.  Oh, and before I forget, happy birthday!  What is it going to be now, like 2,009 years or 6,000 years?  I always get confused.  Anyway …

You guys know what's happening in Syria, right? About your brides who have been kidnapped? I mean, you know everything, and see everything, what with you being omniscient and all.  So there's probably not a lot of sense in anyone praying for you to do anything for the nuns, as suggested by the old white guy and your self - appointed representative on earth.

In fact, I suppose you see such appeals as rather presumptuous of your creations… like they can’t trust you to do the right thing without their sticking their noses in your business.  I mean, lets face it: you're either going to save those nuns of your own accord, or you're going to let them die a hideous death, contingent on your mood. But, either way, it's part of your "plan" right?

So, no prayer here; I’m just writing to let you know I'm on board with whatever you choose to do, or not.   No need to reply, I’ll just watch the news.

Your reasoned opposition loyal to reality,


There, I’ve done my part.  Gee, I feel so holy now.


NewEnglandBob said...

Omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent, omnidissapeared, omniAWOL,omnipretend and omnifictitious.

Dromedary Hump said...

That sounds about omni-right.

Analog Kid said...

Ah...the old fall-backs. "god's plan", "god's will", "god works in mysterious ways", "God called them home - he has a purpose for them."

My guess is that they'll be beheaded because god wants to relieve them of their suffering under the persecution of the shriveled Vatican cronies for promoting their "radical feminist themes" and exhibiting "serious doctrinal problems".