Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Armed and Dangerous: The Camel suits up for the War on Christmas
If you haven't been paying attention you probably missed the fact we are engaged in a great civil war...commonly referred to by GOP Christian fanatics as the annual "War on Christmas".
Lest you forget, we atheists and heathens who represent 5-10% of the population - along with President Obama, our "Muslim in Chief" - have been waging a war against Xmas that the 76% of our population who identify as Christian observe by decorating pagan trees, burning pagan yule logs, invoking a gift giving magical fat old elf, avarice and greed.
I for one almost forgot, since I do not watch FOX News thus never hear the droning whine of Bill "The Tide Goes In And The Tide Goes Out; You Can't Explain That" O'Reilly ... the self declared Commander in Chief of the Christian defenders of the holiday.
I was, however, recently reminded of said war when Sid Miller, TexAss' Commissioner of Agriculture, threatened to slap the next person who says "Happy Holidays" to him instead of Merry Christmas.* Seems Sid don't cotton none to them thar folks who ain't worshipin' the baby Jesus, and who fail to celebrate the baby Jesus' invented birthday with the requisite holy day well wishes. It seems bitch slappin' folks is the kind of gentility, peace, and good will toward men that his imaginary man-god had in mind.
Never mind that December also marks the observance of Hanuka, Saturnalia, Kwanzaa, The Winter Solstice, and New Years ... to the enraged and put upon majority December belongs to Christians. Well, shit - I don't think so.
So, while I am late for the first wave of attack and advances against the co-opted pagan holiday referred to as Xmas, I have dragged my old combat paraphernalia out of moth balls; loaded my .50 cal. and strapped it to my hump; dusted off my mortar, and got Achmed - my faithful ex-Muslim anti-Christmas combat comrade- to ride shotgun. We plan to launch our surprise attack on Xmas Eve.
They'll never see us coming ...after all, word has it they're they're still on the look out for the Jade Helm invasion of TexAss by the US Army, and the gay Rainbow Army secretly trying to indoctrinate their youth. They're screwed now.
Happy Holidays to all my readers and their families. May the New Year bring us more reasoned and thinking compatriots, health, and happiness.
* Story on TexAss Sid here: http://www.burntorangereport.com/diary/31529/republican-ag-commissioner-sid-miller-say-merry-christmas-or-ill-slap-you