Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year…the World is Going to End!!!!

If you’re reading this you survived New Years eve. Happy 2009! That’s the good news. The bad news is this means you have less than three years to prepare yourself for the End of the World.

Yep… you heard me. Prepare to bend over and kiss yer arse goodbye because the Mayan calendar runs out December 21, 2012. If you buy into the hype, the world will likewise run out. And, if you’ll believe everything you read on the net, Nostradamus wrote a quatrain that confirms the same year, as do the Hopi Indians. Hey, what more proof do you need?

Christians have always loved end of world predictions. They’ve been predicting it since the New Testament. They have a word, eschatology, which means the study of the end of the world in religious terms. There have been literally thousands of end time predictions down through the ages. Usually Christians making them … always wrong, obviously.

Invariably the predicting party attributes the failed prediction to a mathematical miscalculation. Often they will recalculate a new date. That one turns out wrong as well. Interestingly, the devotee’s of the cult / religious leader often retain their belief and maintain their faith even when the date comes and goes, and they haven’t beamed up. The Jehovah’s Witnesses are famous for this, but it’s not exclusively their idiocy.

Evangelicals / Born Agains expect the End Times to occur in their life time, they just don’t like setting dates. They’ve learned from experience not to be too specific… it’s just too embarrassing. However, to these theistically infirm death desiring clowns every hurricane, earthquake, forest fire, tidal wave, war, dip in the stock market, or election of an African-American president seems to be a harbinger of the coming Rapture.

But this 2012 thing has taken on a whole new dimension. Along with the usual Christian sheep who are prone to believe anything, every buffoon who believes in alien visitations, 911 conspiracy, psychokinetic energy, mind reading government satellites, astrology, etc., etc. has got the End of World Fever.

With the economic downturn we’re in, I’m trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income. End Time T-shirts? Crash helmets? End Times insurance? Mayan calendars with nude camel pinups?
Given the intellectual capacity of these believers this could be a gold mine!


Tracey said...

They left out a detail...what time zone? It might still be December 20 in my time zone, and that would really piss me off to be deprived of any additional time. I'm not sure I'd necessarily consider ancient calendars accurate in today's terms. The ancients didn't go on 24-hour schedules, and dates were calculated by moon cycles. There are a lot of variances here. Also, Nostradamus did not predict the world to end in 2012. He predicted a war would occur sometime starting between 1994-1999 (approximate dates by astronomical occurrences), said war would last 20 years, and would be ended by the nations "closest at the pole" (U.S. and Russia?). He then predicted 1,000 years of peace. I was actually into Nostradamus at one time, long before it was a popular thing to do. Once it became a popular thing to do, I've noticed that everytime something happens, some asshole is spouting off that Nostradamus predicted it, and a lot of Nostradamus literature out there now is a complete fabrication.
I worked with a rabid end-of-the-world xtian many years ago, and she was just in a tizzy in 1999. She was quite pissed that the world didn't end when 2000 arrived, and even more pissed when I asked her which time zone was the one to set it all in motion. Old bag didn't quite think that one through.


DromedaryHump said...

Well as a matter of fact I read that the Mayan calendar end of world thing was going to be at 6:00 something a.m. Eastern time on the 21st.

Unfortunately, I'll still be asleep and will miss the big event.
I'll catch the video at 11:00.

Jewelliette said...

No worries it will be on youtube with all the other crap. ;)