Madison Avenue has been sexualizing products as a sales gimmick for as long as advertising has been around because sex sells. But, what is with the Abrahamic religions’ fixation on sex and sexuality? What are they selling?
The Old Testament is chock full prohibitions, instructions, and penalties for sexual behavior. It is also full of inexplicably bizarre and violent sexual references.
Lotcommits incest with his daughters.
- God’s demand of total genocide of a pagan tribe, except for the virgin girls who are to be sexual fodder for the Hebrews
- God kills Onan for whacking off onto the ground.
doing his daughter-in-law. Judah
- I don’t even want to explain Song of Solomon’s "My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him". (!?)
- Attempted angel rape in the
Sodomand story... Gomorrah Lottrys to placate the mob with his virgin daughters.
- Rapists of virgins have to marry them and pay the girl’s father 50 shekels.
- Incest by Adam and Eve’s children
- Noah puts a curse on his son Ham’s son because Ham saw Noah naked.
- Abraham does a servant so his sterile wife can have a baby.
- A woman who grabs the privates of her husband’s attacker while trying to help her husband has to have her hand cut off.
- Bestiality requires the man AND the innocent beast to be put to death
- Homosexual sex punishable by death.
- Women who commit adultery must be put to death.
- God doesn’t like turtle necks on penis’ and requires genital mutilation of the Hebrews.
- Having sex with your father’s wife is punishable by death.
- Threesome with your wife and mother-in-law...death.
- Lose your testicles? Banned from temple.
- Endless laws and rituals about coming into contact with ejaculate and women who are menstruating.
This isn’t even scratching the surface. There are over two-hundred (200) references to sex, sex acts, sexual parts, rape, incest, masturbation, and lewd and lascivious behavior, as they say, in the Old Testament. The Jews were obviously obsessed with sexual matters. Christians today who say Jesus did away with the laws of the Torah, the Old Testament, nevertheless seem happy to pick and choose among those Old Testament sexual prohibitions depending on the situation (“JOHNNY!! What are you doing?? Jesus is watching!!”) , or their agenda (“God hates fags!”).
The New Testament has a few references to sex, but not nearly as much fun as the OT unless you think being a eunuch for the Lord a good thing, which Jesus endorsed whole heartedly. And there’s that mysterious homoerotic verse about a young man flashing Jesus (Mark 14:51-52). But more than once we are told there is no sex in heaven ... some heaven that is.
The Quran has lots of sex stuff too, much of it drawn from the Old Testament, But here are a few uniquely Muslim sex thing:
- Women are to be considered fields to be “tilled” with ones “plow.”
- Virgins await the faithful in paradise (note: paradise beats heaven).
- No sex for new widows until four months and ten days has passed.
- Women charged with lewdness by four witnesses are to be put under house arrest until they die.
- Slave wives should be punished only half as much for lewdness as your free born wives.
- Wives who are lewd have their inheritance taken away.
- And this peculiarly ambiguous admonishment:
“it is forbidden that ye should have two sisters together, except what hath already happened of that nature in the past. Allah is forever forgiving and merciful!” and obviously Allah is into threesomes with twins, but only once!!
So what’s this all about? What’s with all this sex stuff? Why does it seem their god is one big horn dog and hall monitor of penises and vaginas, who gets to use them, and with whom?
Because God is made in Man’s image ... and men are pigs. Men wrote the scriptures to satisfy their misogynistic bent to subjugate women, and to elevate the sanctity of the penis; to justify as God’s will otherwise abominable acts; to establish a sexual pecking order. What better way to exercise control than to be the keeper of the strongest natural instinct among animals; to be divinely appointed to enforce God’s determinates of where, when, and how their willing mind slaves will have sex?
And on it goes with modern day keepers of their God’s genitalia obsession: Santorum, Bachmann, Perry, the religious right. If any of them were to ever get elected I imagine they’d push for a new national motto –