Friday, October 23, 2015

The Camel’s 2015 Top Five Non-Religiously Inspired Irritations

Once a year I depart from my usual religiously themed rants and go totally postal on secular themes that really tweak my hump.  Today is that day.  So buckle up, it’s gonna come fast and furious.

- I’m sorry to have to report that TexAss is, unfortunately, still in the union in spite of my one camel attempt to get it passed off to Mexico, or bombed into oblivion by an errant series of drone strikes.

Its latest intrusion into rights and protections of women is their raid on Planned Parenthood facilities, with warrants for patient’s names and info.  If this smacks of governmental over reach…well, it’s because it is, since medical files are privileged information. But’s TexAss -the 3rd World State that takes pride in its overwhelming number of executions…guilty or innocent; its conspiracies about the US Army invasion and take over of their state; its hatred for gay & women’s rights, and all things educational, secular, or that smacks of an IQ that exceeds the 98 point national average.  The best we can hope for is that Hurricane Patricia sweeps up the coast of Mexico, and wipes TexAss off the map…”miraculously” sparing the lives of all children and the few reasoned adults who did not vote for Governors Perry or Abbott. 

- Of all the things that irk the dung out of me on social media perhaps the one that annoys me the most is this annoying propensity for some people to use f*cking asterisks when spelling words like sh*t or the name of their “G*d”.  What the hell?? Look, there’s only three reasons one would not type out the complete words in question: 1) because they are unsure how to spell them and thus are morons; 2) because they are scared some divine boogieman will smite them and condemn them to an eternal life of torture and thus are morons; or 3) they’ve seen other people do it and think it is de rigueur and thus are morons.

I’ll spare you any in depth disparagement of the GOP…done that, been there, and you’ve pretty much heard it all by reading and watching the news.  I just want to briefly mention:   When Jeb Bush runs ads here in New Hampshire decrying the “old guard”  in Washington and promising his presidency will replace it without realizing that he and his entire freekin family is part and parcel to the “old guard” - is there any question why he is considered the dullest knife in the GOP utensil drawer? It’s actually sad.  He should have listened to Mommy. She said there have been enough Bush presidents. She was right.

- If you’ve been getting calls three times a week for the past three years from some telemarketing firm called “Credit Card Services”, or “Card Holder Services”…in spite of being on the FTC* “Do Not Call List”; having been told by the FTC* they are trying to track them down and murder them, or whatever they can do to such violators of the law; and in spite of numerous appeals politely asking the offender to remove you from their call list, to which they laugh in your face or curse you … I have a suggestion: Search the internet for the loudest police whistle you can find. Then, after pressing “1 to speak to a rep” wait patiently for the “thank you for holding how may  I…” and blow out their ear drum with a blast loud enough to wake the corpse of Rin Tin Tin.   You’ll still get the calls, but it may encourage these rip off company employees to seek legal and more socially acceptable avenues of employment.

- If you think that the people on
“Dancing with the Stars”
are in fact “stars”; and/or you find that flamboyant and irritating little twerp of a judge entertaining; and /or you do not realize that the likes of Gary Busey, Paula Dean, and other such human oddities are only booked because if they booked paraplegics or people with advanced elephantiasis it might be considered slightly over the line and pandering to the most base of human character flaws … then you are part of the problem.  You need to consider being part of the solution.  Stop watching and read a fricken book!     

Okay..that’s it - at least for now. I for one feel a great burden has been lifted from my hump…and unload onto yours. If you’d like to share some of your pet irritations the elimination of which might make this world marginally less irritating, please, click on the word “comments” just below and share them with me and my beloved readership.  Who knows … maybe you’ll start a movement.
*corrected from orig. FCC reference.


Den!s said...

That's it? Fuck sakes, you are mellowing out! :P

Den!s said...

ok upon re-reading, I have to concur regarding the assault on Planned Parenthood, which is inexcusable in my opinion.

Dromedary Hump said...

old age has blunted my ire.
Hence, five instead of ten rants.

Longhorn Believer said...

The Dancing With the "Stars" part of this rant really did cause me to laugh my ass off. Thanks! I'm a few pounds lighter now. I'm right there with you on TexAss. As I prepare to live in doors for the next two days while the remnants of Hurricane Patricia pass overhead, I can only hope that Gov. Abbott's wheel chair gets stuck in the mud causing him to have an untimely face-in-dirt accident while the press takes a thousand pictures. If there was any doubt that there's a war on women in Texas, he has removed it. In fact he is escalating the war with precision, drone-like attacks on the women of Texas. If you want to help out, you can call this number and tell that asshole that you stand with Planned Parenthood: 512-463-1782

Dromedary Hump said...

heheh...thanks for that.
I shall call in the morning.
Thumbs up.

Mitch said...

As usual, I am in complete agreement. I especially like the * rant and as to the unwanted phone call solution I have seen a canned air horn of the type used by small boaters to alert draw bridges used for that purpose. Thank you, Mitch

paul said...

Just a nit: The Do Not Call Registry is maintained by the FTC, not the FCC, although it is referenced with links to the former on the latter's site.

Dromedary Hump said...

Thanks...I'll have to try that fog horn technique, albeit..I don't want to scare my neighbors.

Indeed, FTC not FCC thanks. I've been on the list since it was originally offered. Seems that with today's technology the FTC is impotent to enforce it and crack down on violators...or just don't have the resources/budget. I get their sympathy, and that's about it.

jennywinker said...

I have to use f*ck*ng asterisks to get curse words through my work email filter :-)

Dromedary Hump said...

You have a G rated email filter?
That almost qualifies you as a Christian ;)

David said...

I know I'm a little late to the party but I have a couple of noteworthy non religiously inspired irritations that I can't help but share:

Going to the supermarket to find hundreds of bottles of tablets offering "traditional remedies" with something to solve every ailment that has ever plagued mankind, when in all likelihood you're about to pay $35 for a bottle of glorified herbs and spices. Just a moment, I have to take my spoonful of liquid chlorophyll. Plants seem to need it so obviously it does something good for mammals.

People who you go out to lunch with and they say "Oh I can't eat gluten." only because it's the fashionable thing to do at the moment, and have no understanding of the extent to which a true coeliac becomes violently ill even if they ingest just trace amounts of gluten. Then to capitalize on the stupidity of these people, they start marketing products like gluten free shampoo, even though any gluten in shampoo would not cause a reaction for a coeliac unless they ate it.

Organic food. I don't care how glorified in your own pretentiousness it makes you feel to spend three times us much of the rest of us on it, it is no more nutritious or healthy (empirically proven), or better for the environment (uses significantly more land and resources to produce lower yields), or safer (our food is already amongst the safest in the world), so shut up and eat your damn offerings before you ask "Is it organic?". Add to this people who think GMO food must be evil for no other reason than, well I don't think they really know. The human population is growing exponentially and the planet isn't getting any bigger, Oh let's use twice as much land to grow everything organically, that's a good idea.

Going to the supermarket to buy soap only it isn't called soap, it's called a "body balance bar". Please excuse me, I've just bought this and now for some reason I feel obligated to go have a wank.

I could go on and on, but that'll have to do for now.

Dromedary Hump said...

I'm going to have to give you two thumbs up on that rant. :)