Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Inventing the Ideal Religion

The Huffington Post has an article that asks:
             "If you could invent a religion what would it look like?"

I gave the concept a minute's thought and posted the following to the article's comment section.  I think I have it reasonably  well developed, albeit, any such religion that would have me as a member I'd want no part of.

What would my religion look like?

One that sucks the money out of the poor and ignorant; that sells them a promise of eternal torture after they die if they don't believe; one that promises prayers will be answered, as long as it isn't to end starvation, or war, or disease, or re-grow an amputated limb.

A religion that hides its abuses of children; that amasses great amounts of money and real estate and sets itself up in a palace, or ten bedroom mansion with a swimming pool and 100 acre compound in the country, with private jets, expensive cars - and that promotes itself as a follower of an impoverished wandering carpenter ...or plumber.

One that dismisses women as lesser beings, who need to have their reproductive system controlled by men. A religion that condemns people to second class citizenship because they love someone the religion doesn't approve of. One that says masturbating is a sin...and God is watching you while you do it.

A religion that promotes the idea that the End of the World is a good thing, something to be looked forward to...to be worked toward. One that demonizes the other religions, and establishes the people of a specific religion as scapegoats based on a 2000 year old mythical execution.

One that says every child is a sinner, because a mud man and a rib woman ate a fruit, and thus need to be cleansed...even though it claims to have paid for that sin in sacrificial blood. A religion that claims to have the one TRUTH, and yet has over 30,000 sects and denominations because it can't decide exactly what that precise "truth" is.

A religion that says only God can end the world, thus encourages people to ignore the science that says the world is being slowly poisoned to death. One that tells children a boogie man created the universe as per scientifically ignorant nomadic goat herders and to pay no attention to the realities of science. One that has no ability to understand why there are both monkeys and humans, even when you explain it's for a similar reality as to why there are still Europeans AND Americans from whom they descended.

Yes...this is the religion I'd invent, and ..... Oh...Wait...


longhorn believer said...

Can the brother get an Amen!?!

Anonymous said...

Hey Hump,
You left out a couple of things that would really help make it work:
- indoctrinate children before they have a chance to grow up and make a rational choice (doesn't it make you laugh when "they" accuse homosexuals of "recruitment"?)
- institute a non-doubting policy; ya just have to believe what we tell ya!

Anonymous said...

make sure that you have a section that states that you are the only authorized distributor of the truth. We can't have non-believers and the sheeple thinking they have a right to make or interpret anything. (Strict punishment for not accepting that you are the holy representative.)

-b9 said...

Mortal humanity's body has this strange duality: a physical person which, after you croak, we're placed in a cemetary... yet, an INDELIBLE soul which never dies and ascends to Seventh-Heaven to await our Divine Judgement. If you're an athiest? Guess what? You STILL! gotta face the same Divine Judgement with or without a trial (which means you might be sent to Hell without a hearing). Bummer. So it doesn't matter if you're a mortal atheist, denying and condemning God - we must perish regardless, Up or down.

Here's the Good News, pops; here's what I'd suggest: drop allah your whorizontal views and guh-roove-on-over to the Son. Why? My head injury has taught this sinfull mortal there's a 'rope' to the Heavenly Great Beyond; if we clutter that stairway into Seventh-Heaven with cash, cars, clothes, calumny, condumbs, atheism... what do we worship besides our Maker who deserves worship in this finite existence??

But, alas! O poor, poor Yorick!! A great number of peeple have given their INDELIBLE souls any number of mortal wounds by their belief in the transitory; thus, if they aint sorry for having offended God whom we shall ALL haveta meet someday, who wont have any gods before Him, we'll die an eternal death by never believing in a realm of unending love.


Dromedary Hump said...

Dear b9,
Thank you for that quintessentially perfect example of Christian Gibberish.

May I recommend you abandon your crazy worship of a dead Jew on a stick, and embrace the True God...Lord Moloch. I sacrificed a small first born Christian child to Lord Moloch last week, and He delivered unto me a brand new car. Yes...that's right.
Further, he promised me something better than eternal life in paradise... a years free pass to Disney World.

Now get with it, lest you be damned forever when He judges you.
Yours in Moloch,

PS: If this sounds idiotic to you, then you know exactly what your mindless drivel above sounds like to me. Dog Bless ya. I'll prey for you.

Anonymous said...

Clearly you do not know Christian religion..God's word. Just one thing mentioned, the 'fruit' that eve and Adam eat of was the knowledge of satan. This sounds like something from a kenite..Cain was a decedent of satan,and obviously he reproduced the tears sowed by satan to this day,get the pattern? but you wouldn't know anything about that, for speaking lies told by satan..the father of all lies. Oh,its funny how you speak of molich as you know his name, even satan and the Devils 'demons' BELIEVE and TREMBLE..therefore atheism is truly a strange thing.

Dromedary Hump said...

First of all,you mindless slave to ancient ignorance it's MolOch or MolEch, The Greek and the Hebrew spellings. Not Molich.
Secondly, you're an asshole.
But then... that's the very definition of religious fanatics