Saturday, April 25, 2009

Your bling belongs to Jesus…so does your vibrator and your cat.


A particularly vapid fundie woman tells me that all possessions/material things are owned by God/Jebus; that she [we] are only using them like some kind of a lend lease program or communal property. There is nothing in the New Testament to support such a whacky notion. But in the Hebrew Bible there are some verses that lead these goofy folks to think that. Here’s some examples:

Deut. 10:14 “… the heaven of heavens is the LORD's thy God, the earth also, with all that therein is.”

Psalm 50:12 “If I were hungry I would not tell you, For the world is Mine, and all it contains.”
Job 41:11 “Who has given to Me that I should repay him? Whatever is under the whole heaven is Mine.”

Haggai 2:8 “The silver is Mine and the gold is Mine,' declares the LORD of hosts.”

So, if taken and applied literally, private property doesn't exist.

But there’s a problem. Since the Talmud has very specific guidelines for what one does to a thief, how is this reconciled with property not being owned by the individual, but by God? Presumably the plaintiff would have no standing in court since the stolen items wouldn’t be owned by him. Only God could sue / seek recompense. But God wouldn’t sue since the goods have simply changed hands to another “user” no damage has been done. It’s a victimless crime. It was God’s will.

And how does this jibe with Jesus saying:
“Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s” (Matthew 22:21)
Clearly the coin of the realm is material wealth that Jebus had no interest in nor claim on.

And then there is this contradiction:
“The heaven, even the heavens, are the LORD's: but the earth hath he given to the children of men.” (Psalm 115:16)
Oops!

And this verse that credits not God but Satan with owning everything on Earth:
“The devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee.” (Mathew 4:8-9)
Uh-oh!!

So what’s going on here? This God/Jebus owns everything is clearly a stupid concept and misinterpretation of scripture and rife with multiple contradictions. Further, to imbue a god with ownership of what one earns, buys, and accumulates in a material world is to attribute to a spirit being some vested interest in worldly goods. But, some theists are so devoid of self-respect, self-reliance, self-esteem, and so dependent on their imaginary friend, they can’t conceive of being worthy to own anything free and clear on their own... thus it must be God’s!

Heck, why would Jesus want to claim ownership of that mindless fundie woman’s dildo, her supply of tampons, or her mobile home full of cats and old TV Guides? And if her car isn’t hers, how come she keeps hiding it from the repo man? Silly fundies.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Damnit,

For a second there I felt comfort in knowing this case of syph was not mine.

Adam

DromedaryHump said...

Well, the syph is a gift to you from Jesus. He caught it on a dirty toilet seat, or so he will claim.

Hump

sunnyskeptic said...

That pic is way super awesome, I want to use it for my profile picture for EVERYTHING! :)

universalheretic said...

The Lord owns everything ... and there's a hell of a damage deposit!

I'm thinking of having a life size cardboard cutout of that guy in the picture and standing it in front of every church in town. Church attendance would be sure to drop.

DromedaryHump said...

Sunny..heheh...be my guest. I borrowed it from google images.

Universal... yeah, but it's gonna get the priests and reverends all aroused!!!

Tracey said...

"or her mobile home full of cats and old TV Guides?"

There's one in every southern trailer park. And the dude in the pic...that's Darwin's missing link, and there's one on every beach, talking smack doing the ol' 1-10 rating thing for every chickie that walks past. He'd be a good match for the trailer park cat lady.

DromedaryHump said...

Tracey,
I have no doubt that the size of his cross is in direct reverse correlation to the size of his ...uh... "package".

But there's no questioning his Christian credentials. That there is a TRUE Christian.

and yes... ole Sasquatch is alive and well. I hear he has become a Baptist minister. Braise da Lard.

;)

Hump

paidbytheword said...

Can God please remove all the garbage he apparently owns from behind my building? Thanks.

Dromedary Hump said...

Paid By...

LOL!!!!!VERY GOOD!!

thanks!

Hump