It seems that Jesus’ foreskin holds a revered place in Christian lore. Who’d have guessed that a religion whose followers are so… uh… “flaccid” when it comes to their icon’s Judaic roots and practices, would have such a fixation? But for over 1400 years there has been a rather unhealthy affinity for Jesus’ penis tip. Call it “holy penis envy.”
On January 1st each year Lutherans, Anglicans, and Eastern Orthodox Catholics observe the holiday called “Circumcision of Christ.” This holy day marks Jesus' submission to Judaic law and tradition. In accordance with Jewish law, Jesus was circumcised on the eighth day after his birth. The Catholic church decided back in 1969 to quit observing the 14 century old holy day of the “Feast of Circumcision” [ Eeewwww!!], and instead decided to rename it “Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God” day. Small wonder, given the sound of the menu.
If that wasn’t bizarre enough, there have been at least twelve official & unofficial Jesus foreskin relics being revered and passed along among churches, popes and devout nobles through out Europe from the 9th through the 16th century. These were the Holy Prepuce. They kept them in special jeweled boxes (see picture above), “whipping them out” only for very special occasions and celebrations… each church and owner attesting that only their prepuce was the one true foreskin of their Lord and Savior. Think I’m making this up? Here’s a “tip” for you… Google “Holy Prepuce.”
And check out Google for medieval paintings depicting the circumcision of Jesus. Holy Schlong!!...there must be a hundred of them!!!
Well, things got so out of hand, what with all of this unseemly Jesus penis talk, that in 1900 the Catholic church threatened excommunication for any “putz” daring to write or talk about Jesus’ holy member. The penalty got “stiffer” in 1954, when violation of the rule got you the highest level of excommunication which included being shunned.
Unfortunately, during the Reformation and French Revolution almost all of these penis pieces were destroyed or lost. Only one remained into the 20th century, The Holy Prepuce of Calcata, which was “exposed", put on display and taken for a walk through the streets of that Italian city annually as recently as 1983. The annual practice would probably still be going on today, had they not been “shafted” by some thief who stole it, jeweled box and all. What a “dick”!!
So, why this Christian “hard-on” for a Jesus foreskin? Hey, who knows what makes Christian cultist whackos tick. Headhunters have their shrunken heads, Voo-doo practitioners have their dried bats and such, and Christians favor their man-god’s manhood. I guess one could say all other religions’ relics just don’t “measure up.”
As a non-believer and thinking person I tried to equate this to some peculiar secular practice. But I never heard of anyone claiming to own Woody Allen’s, Sigmund Freud’s or Isaac Asimov’s excess penis part. For some reason, Freethinkers just aren’t “hung” up on the attraction. Maybe it’s because we aren’t “schmucks".