Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Conversation with a “Devout Catholic” Hairdresser.


I was getting my hair cut today in preparation for my book signing event on Sunday.
The young lady, I’ll call her Stephanie, has been cutting my hair for a few months now, and is friendly and gregarious; reasonably articulate; normal in every way. I thought.

In casual conversation I mentioned my book. She was stunned momentarily, announced that she was a “devout catholic”, and told me light heartedly that I’m going to Hell. “Hey, no problemo here”, I said…” I hope Anne Frank knows how to play poker.’
Blank stare from Stephanie: “Who’s Anne Frank?” she asked.

Curious, I asked her exactly what she means by “devout Catholic” -- how exactly does it differentiate her from “regular Catholic”? She replied “Well, I go to mass every Sunday, don’t practice birth control, oppose abortion for any reason, and am a Conservative Republican.” The last one struck me as particularly weird since I don’t recall anything in Catholic dogma that demanded a particular political position or specific party affiliation as a prerequisite for being Catholic, devout or otherwise.

Being careful not to provoke anything that would cause her to carve a cross into the back of my head, I asked how often she read the Bible? She said she’s never read it.

I asked: “Well, you believe in transubstantiation I assume.” She said she never heard that term, but she follows the teaching of Jesus. So I ask what teachings of Jesus in particular she admires. Stephanie’s reply: “The Ten Commandments.” (!)

When I explain that the Ten Commandments preceded Jesus by a few thousand years, and were attributed to Moses she said “Oh, yeah, that’s right. But Jesus followed the Ten Commandments because he was Jewish.”

So I ask does she follow the same Jewish laws that Jesus did, as he told everyone they must, the ones in Leviticus, Deuteronomy, etc., like stoning unruly children to death, keeping kosher, not wearing mixed fiber clothes, not suffering witches to live…?
“Some kids sure could use a stoning.” She laughed “But I don’t believe in witches.”

I could tell she had no idea WTF I was talking about. But then she volunteered that she’d rather die in child birth, and leave her other three kids all under the age of 9, without a mother, than terminate the pregnancy of a severely ill malformed fetus that would likely not live more than a few hours. That was enough for me. There was a copy of a trashy celebrity magazine on her counter plastered with Michael Jackson’s face (yes, he’s STILL dead) which all of a sudden I found very interesting. I got a damn good haircut; I left her a 25% tip; set up the next appointment; and we said our goodbyes

So I had my answer. A devout catholic is one who goes to church every week; has no concept of a foundational element of her religion- transubstantiation; doesn’t practice birth control; never read the bible; doesn’t know who is credited with handing down Ten Commandments; hasn’t a clue what Jesus taught; and would kill herself and leave her three children motherless to give a defective fetus an hours worth of life.

Ok, got it. Thanks. Sorry I asked.

29 comments:

Billyist said...

While everything she said was extremely troubling, I was most worried by her ignorance of Anne Frank and her perceived religious ties to the conservative right. Somewhere out there Karl Rove's ears are burning.

Val�rie said...

Hump,

LOL, I can't help laughing. There is one thing that is interesting though: she said she never read the bible. I thought in America every Christian of every denomination read the bible.

Here in Europe no Christian has ever read a bible. And I get criticized for it by Barb and Jeanette worse than if I was a pagan or a communist atheist.

If you wouldn't mind, I open my heart about a few things about religion in a comment on PP, and especially I mention you and your blog in it, and I would like to know what you think. PP's address is:

http://ppblog.free.fr/

You can go directly to the article where my comment is here:

http://ppblog.free.fr/index.php/european-cell-phone-capitalist-pigs-corporations-fascist-assholes

My comment is n�207.

I hope I didn't infer or interpret to much from the way you treat me here the 2 or 3 times I have come to visit you. If you think not, and would be kind to say something to shut Barb up, I would be grateful because I am sick and tired of being criticized for something I believe is being broad-minded.

Greetings from Paris,
Val�rie

No Guy in the Sky said...

Hump - Just your average Christian. Its true! I haven't read it, but believe it or else!

Dromedary Hump said...

Billy,

I left out the part where, after I explained who Anne Frank was, I asked her if a young girl, starved, gassed and cremated in a nazi concentration camp truly deserves to be torutred for eternity in hell because whe held Jewish vs Christian belief...her callous answer was: "Hey, she had free will."

It was a throw away line, that they are taught to use, without even thinking of the hiddeousness of the doctrine, or the vindictive God with serious security and self image issues that they worship.

Good thing she cuts hair well.

Valerie:

Feel free to mention anything you like about me and my blog. But For GOD'S sake dont forget to promote my book!!! :)

I'll check out that stuff on that blog and see if I can help you out.

NO Guy,
Yep.. i guess ones concept of what "devout" is doesnt include knowing the bible or having even a basic understandingof the thing / man-god you worship. It's belief by : "Just following orders".

Hmm..where have we heard THAT before?

Hump

NewEnglandBob said...

"Feel free to mention anything you like about me and my blog. But For GOD'S sake dont forget to promote my book!!!"

Here I fixed this for you:

"Feel free to mention anything you like about me and my blog. But For Hump's sake don't forget to promote my book!!!"
------
I am not surprised at what she told you. I have run across a lot of that. Ignorance coupled with arrogance - they do go hand in hand because those who have little education or those who do not wish to be educated often think they are correct.

I spoke to a nursing/rehab home administrator a month ago who said "I am not religious but I do believe in God. How can anyone not believe?"

I am surprised you made another appointment with her. I would no longer trust her.cableali

NewEnglandBob said...

Oops, I typed the word verification at the end of my comment. I had wondered where those letters had gone.

Dromedary Hump said...

well, bob...she gives a great hair cut, and the subject never came up before I mentioned my book.

Besides, if we stopped doing business with every asshat who is undereducated and holds archaic beliefs in the supernatural... who'd cut our lawns, wash dishes at the local cafe, and serve us Whoppers with Cheese?
;)
Hump

Dromedary Hump said...

Valerie,
I posted a comment after #210...but i dont see it yet. if it doesnt appear let me know. I saved it and can repost it.

Hump

Tracey said...

I'm actually not surprised that she hasn't read the bible. Most Catholics and Anglicans that I know haven't. But for being drug to a Baptist church with my grandmother when I was a child, I probably wouldn't have as much biblical knowledge. The Catholics and Anglicans have a format of readings at their services - an old testament reading (generally a prophecy), a new testament reading (often Paul's bullshit dissertations of the aforementioned old testament reading), and then the gospel. They'll tell you that there are no contradictions in the bible because the vatican has carefully chosen the readings to make sure that all three are in agreement.
Now, as for this chick no knowing who Anne Frank was...damn.

Billyist said...

Hump, Not to mention a girl so young she probably had no exposure to Christianity, didn't have the critical thinking skills to make an informed decision...

ACCKK! These people talk about free will like it's a magical little creature living in your head. Is there any person on earth with less free will than a prepubescent Jewish child in worn torn Amsterdam hiding in an attic with her family? I mean, there are maybe a handful of situations in history in which a human being can have less free will than that!

Engineer of Knowledge said...

Hello Hump,
This piece was too real and priceless. I see too many of these people on a daily bases. They will tell you that they are firm in their beliefs, but cannot tell you accurately the facts they profess to believe in. As I told Muddy on my site, if I saw another Sarah Palin campaign button during the last Presidential election…….I was going to take a hostage.

Much like the piece that I wrote on if Jesus and Yahweh both having wives.

Another good point to bring up is that the birth of Jesus as told by Mark is totally different than what is told by Luke. Mark said that Jesus was born in Nazareth and grew up within his father’s trade, or Luke’s account of the Bethlehem virgin birth which is just like the Egyptian virgin birth myth of Isis would be morphed and absorbed by the Christians relating to the Virgin Mary to make this new religion acceptable to the Greeks that Luke was writing his letters to. Luke was not an eyewitness to Christ but was just the traveling companion of Paul (Saul) on some of his latter missionary journeys. It should also be noted that Paul never knew Christ because he came along about 30 years after Christ. So Luke was writing in the time frame of about 60 years after the crucifixion of Christ. So which one is inaccurate.

Isis was visited by the spirit of the dead (an angle), Osiris, who entered her through her head and she conceived Horus, the son of the Sun God “Amun-Ra.” Wow! Where have we heard this myth before.

Valerie,
We all have been exposed to Barb. We referr to her as the "Blog Beast!" She is really too stupid to have any real type of a debating conversation as you may well have found out by now.

Mixter said...

There would probably be a lot fewer Christians if they actually read the damn Bible!

Mixter

Val�rie said...

Hump,

"Valerie,

I posted a comment after #210...but i dont see it yet. if it doesnt appear let me know. I saved it and can repost it.
"

I am sorry about this, and it's now fixed. I emaile Whynot about it. He is this strange artificial intelligence SPAM filter which... does strange things sometimes, like put into SPAM his own comments, LOL.

I asked him to not only rescue your comment from the SPAM queue but to also change the date/time stamps so the it would show as the latest comment in the thread. This is because many more comments have happened on this thread, and I wanted yours to be lost in previous comments.

I am very grateful for what you say in it. I try so hard to conciliate my religion with real life world, and I'm sure do a lousy job because Barb and Jeanette seem to dislike me even more than Microdot or Whynot who are very strong atheists like you, and whom I love very much.

Anyway, your comment, I can see it now, and thank you again. I hope some people will say something in return to you.

Engineer of Knowledge,

"Valerie,

We all have been exposed to Barb. We referr to her as the "Blog Beast!" She is really too stupid to have any real type of a debating conversation as you may well have found out by now.
"

I am not going to argue with Barb any more. I see that Whynot, Kristina (who is Russian) and others are doing so, and it is very heart warming that people from all kinds of believes think I am not the horrible person that Barb and Jeanette think I am.

I saw on Microdot's blog that he is away for 2 weeks, and I look forward to him coming back, because he has a special gift with words to really annoy Barb, LOL.

Val�rie said...

Hump,

Sorry for my bad English:

"and I wanted yours to be lost in previous comments."

I meant the other way around, i wanted your commment NOT to be lost among all the other comments.

HoleyHands said...

Hump gets a 'Fundie Haircut'

Dromedary Hump said...

HH!!

LOL!! Yeah...like that.
But she isn't quite that hot, and Jesus was groping us both.

NO.. don't even go there!!! :)

hump

nunya said...

What a delightful blog :) I followed Valérie over here.

Dromedary Hump said...

Nunya,
thanks. come back often.
hump

Joyce said...

It's interesting. I was just happening to have this conversation with another woman who was raised Catholic like myself and we both NEVER recall being taught the Bible or reading it. Our 'religious' class had nothing to do with Jesus (you would think a 'Christian' school would want to include Him, wouldn't you?), but we never did. The religious classes were about the saints and miracles and visions of Mary, but nothing about Jesus. Zippo. Very strange indeed.

Dromedary Hump said...

Joyce,
Interesting.

I wonder how the priests would explain that.

Hump

No Guy in the Sky said...

Hump - Just like the Jews. The Catholic Priests know he was invented. Hell they hand selected his tale.

They want no part of him. Unless we are talking young adolescent Jesus, and then maybe .... lol

Dromedary Hump said...

No Guy,
Possibly. Or maybe its just that the interpretations by the saints / church fathers of what Jesus may have originally stood for do not satisfy the needs of the church as much as what Jesus himself may have actually said.

Its a peculiar thing though.

Hump

Rachelle said...

I love this blog...and your book...I appreciate the bluntness. LOL!

Dromedary Hump said...

Rachelle,
Thanks so much, that's nice to hear.
Regards,
Hump

jesusisking said...

Check out Medjugorje, you'll be glad you did. I would say I stumbled upon your web page by accident but I know better there is a reason and its for someone who is going to read this and investigate the mysterious things that are going on in Medjugorje. The Blessed Mother will lead you to her son Jesus. God Bless all of you

Dromedary Hump said...

JebusisKing,
Thanks for that genuine Christian gibberish.

Given the choice between a fictional king named Jebus, and the Burger King, I'll go with the latter. It takes two hands to handle a Whopper.

Angel said...

LMAO.

Isabelle T said...

I am so sorry that you had to encounter such a bad example of a Catholic. We are pretty much the opposite of her. Truly devout
Catholics read the Bible and know what it says. We do not believe Jews deserve to die or will go to Hell. In fact, I am so sorry that she judged you and said you are going to go to Hell. No Catholic is taught about who will go to Hell and who will not. I am sorry she judged you. God bless you.

Dromedary Hump said...

Isabelle..
Uh..this article is 5 yrs old... thus the last thing I need is an apology (for what I wonder) from a self appointed apologist for the faith.

And the fact that she knew so little about her chosen denomination is indeed the hallmark of the vast majority of Catholics, who have never been encouraged by the Church to read scripture for themselves. Indeed, it was once grounds for torture, if not death.

So thanks anyway..but since hell is an imaginary place, just like heaven, the Underworld, Valhalla, Paradise, etc. etc...and your man god and it's varied configurations mythical nonsense, an apology is hardly of any import.

Now , it's easter time in 2014...go and eat some chocolate, hide some eggs...and other wise honor the preferred zombie god of your choosing.