Saturday, June 12, 2010

Hump’s Annual Non-Religion Themed List of the Most Annoying


Once a year I depart from my usual modus operandi and reflect on (aka rant about) secular things and people who irk the shit out of me. Well, that time is now.

Mrs. Hump could recite this litany of losers from memory, having heard me rant about them so often that it’s become almost a daily ritual. I figure my readers should have the enjoyment as well. So here, in no particular order is
Hump’s Top Ten Most Annoying Secular People and Things:



  1. Terri Seymour - of the early evening Hollywood gossip show. This talentless twit’s claim to fame is being the ex girlfriend of Simon Cowell. Her toothy grin and English accented high pitched raspy voice that sounds like she gargled with crushed glass, make me want to drive ice picks into my eyes and ears every time she appears on the screen. The world might better be served if she did the same to herself.

  2. Sharon Osborn, Randy Jackson, Mary Murphy, Bruno “the gay guy … what’s his face?”, Howie Mandell - and every other second rate pseudo-celebrity “judge” on TV talent shows whose vapid comments, crocodile tears, need to say “Yo, Dog!” to everyone, and over the top enthusiasm for mediocre crap, makes the already vast wasteland that is TV even more of a waste.

  3. Teabaggers - not guys who perform the sex act by the same name (that’s cool), but the political hacks and know-nothing-but-hate red necked crazies who have rallied under the banner of “NO” to reason and sanity, and “YES” to bigotry, extremist rightwing conservatism, and ditto headed Sarah Palin worship.

  4. Pristiq Anti-Depressive Commercial - featuring that wind up toy doll look alike of the depressed actor and a repetitive loop elevator music theme. If you weren’t depressed before watching that pitifully grating and hideously long commercial, you will be when it’s over. Maybe that’s the point.

  5. Right Wing TV and Radio Personalities – i.e. Rush, Glenn, Sean, Bill, Coulter, Sarah Palin, et al. Proof positive that being a deluded religionist, hate filled racist, and having a sub 100 point IQ doesn’t stop one from having a platform, attracting mass appeal, and making millions of dollars in the Land of Opportunity and Stupidity.

  6. British Petroleum Executives - the perfect reason to bring back scourging and crucifixion. Possibly a justification for invading England … if they had anything we wanted.

  7. Anne Currie- she of the flubbed teleprompter lines, insipid questions (i.e. “How do you feel about losing your entire family in a fire?”), and the ever popular sad-eyed melodramatic “Our thoughts and prayers are with you.” platitude. If NBC feels it absolutely must have Asian representation what’s wrong with finding one with a brain stem? How about Jackie Chan or Kim Jong-Il?

  8. “Sex and the City”- anything even remotely related to the TV show; the actors their clothes, their horse faces or M&M sized facial moles; the writers, the sponsors, the movie or the theaters that show it.

  9. Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Jason (“My Name is Earl”) Lee, Jenna (“Dharma and Greg”) Elfman - and any other personality / actor who is so shallow, brain washed and gullible that they buy into, support and promote the Scientology cult thus attracting even more idiotic followers.

  10. Sideways and Backward Ball Caps – If you’re a kid and can’t get your hat placed properly on your head ask your folks to take you to a neurosurgeon, because you look like a mental defective. If you’re an adult, damnit… the “bill” is meant to keep the sun out of your eyes, not off your fat sweaty neck! Wearing it backwards doesn’t make you look cool, just moronic. Grow up!


Whew … I don’t know about you, but I sure feel better.

Oh, I could go on. There are so many more that deserve my wrath and disdain:
New Hampshire drivers who drive 5 mph under the speed limit; Joan Rivers’ face, voice and daughter; Regis Philbin’s senility and lack of talent or reason to live; Larry King’s oversized alien shaped head, $even divorces, and ability to attract women old enough to be hi$ granddaughter$; that peculiar Canadian addiction to hockey and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese (aka Kraft Dinner); people who don’t buy my book because it’s not on Kindle, are just a few. But Terri Seymour just came on TV and I have to go find those ice picks.

33 comments:

NewEnglandBob said...

Yes, a list of the very undistinguished, indeed. Unfortunately, it could be a list of 10,000.

Dromedary Hump said...

Bob..no kidding. I figured I'd have to limit it to ten, otherwise I'd look like a raving maniac psycho religionist;)

DM said...

we do like your music Lady Gaga, but...


The B**BQUAKE - 911


Let me show you the FATE OF TRAITORS...


http://www.loiterink.com/photos/products/182_3424_500x500.jpg

they are incapable of telling the difference between SCIENTIFIC *FACT* AND RELIGIOUS AND PHILOSOPHICAL *TRUTH*... FATAL ERROR!

they also preach a *VALUE FREE SCIENCE* called *POSITIVISM* that ignores the inequalities of wealth and power in capitalist civilization...



for a sample taste of PZ Myers' GARBAGE...

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2010/06/sunday_sacrilege_imagine_no_he.php


HIJACKING IN PROGRESS!!!

http://hawaiiwebgroup.com/maui-design/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/website-hijacking.jpg


HIJACKING IN PROGRESS!!!

how can these HEADLESS IDIOTS BET AGAINST GOD!!!
________________________________________


what happens when you LOSE Pascal's Wager...


http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/pascals-wager.htm

_____________


you FIGHT PAPER MONSTERS...

the blood and bodies of the atheist movement...


you mofos killed MICKEY MOUSE!!!!


this has more TRUTH then what Dawkins, Randi, Harris, Myers, and Shermer
combined have said in their entire lives...


http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=5R2wE8Sduhs&playnext_from=TL&videos=hht1U_19anc&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_fresh%2Bdiv-1r-3-HM



they tried to BULLDOZE the entire METAPHYSICAL DIMENSION...

they LOST THE WAR......

you have FORFEIT YOUR SOUL, shermer... you have become an object in the
material world, as you WISHED...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUB4j0n2UDU

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/7/11792994_ffaaee87fa.jpg

we're gonna smash that TV...

They had become ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE AND OF GOD...
you pushed too much and *CROSSED THE LINE*

degenerates (PZ) or children (HEMANT) - ATHEISTS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRRg2tWGDSY

do you have anything to say, you STUPID LITTLE F*CKER?

how about I tell you, Mr. Shermer, EVERYTHING YOU THINK ABOUT THE WORLD is

*WRONG*

THE BOOBQUAKE - 911!

http://dissidentphilosophy.lifediscussion.net/philosophy-f1/the-boobquake-911-t1310.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx7XNb3Q9Ek

RUN, ATHEISTS, RUN!!!

-------------------

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html

the 9th and FINAL RING of Dante's Inferno is designed for little blaspheming traitors like you...


but at least FREE AIR CONDITIONING is included!

Joyce said...

I read and reread this and can't believe that you left out Rosie O'Donnell. You can't stand her! Surely you find her more annoying than the Pristique commercial. AND ... she has a radio show on Sirius although it's definitely not right-wing, AND will be back on TV with a talk show in 2011 when Oprah retires. Speaking of Oprah, she didn't make the list either?

Are you slipping in your old age? BTW, just how old are you in camel years?

Dromedary Hump said...

heheh..Joyce, I knew this was going to happen.
I had Rosie O'Donut on my list last year..or the year before. along with Bob's discount furniture commercials and I think Oprah was on there too.

In camel years I'm only 32 years old. This is predicated on an average life span of 40 yrs for a dromedary. In human years...I start collecting SS this coming September :)

Angel said...

My pet peeve for the past 10 years: How 'bout a 30 year old man wearing his pants(oh. my bad. they're SHORTS!!!) down to his fucking ankles so that his boxer shorts are showing. And I'm not talking about just a bit of butt crack showing. Oh no. I'm mean the whole booty. The whole round rump!

I feel bad for my husband sometimes. Because I AM the type of person to roll down my car window and scream, "pull up your fucking pants!" to the dipshits who do that around here.

Dromedary Hump said...

Angel..Hahahah!!! I don't see much of that here in NH, but yeah...that would make my list if it did.

Analog Kid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Analog Kid said...

- cigarette smokers who toss their ashes and butts out the car window.
- Blister-packed pills with the foil and paper that's nearly impossible to penetrate.
- Dysfunctional, wasteful, powerless government agencies like the FDA, EPA, USDA, Minerals Management Service....oh - and thanks to republicans - the congress and senate.
- Inconsiderate people
- "DM"
- Ignorant people who think they're smart
- Politicians
- Lawyers
- An itchy bum
- People who piss on the toilet seat
- Loud motorcycles and the assholes that ride them.
- Dog owners who let their dogs bark at 3:00 a.m.
- Did I already mention "DM"?

Dromedary Hump said...

Analog...LOL. Nice rant, Good list ;)

Motorhead said...

I was with you Analog until the loud motorcycles part. Being a motorcyclist, I get very annoyed with people who throw their cigarette butts out of their car windows. Now, my bike isn't that loud, in my opinion. I haven't modified the exhaust at all, but at some point I may do so. Some people get so upset with loud pipes that they do this: http://motorcycles.about.com/b/2008/08/13/man-shot-over-loud-motorcycle-exhaust.htm

I have to abide by the military's regulations for riders. Helmet, boots, long sleeves, no shorts, reflective material, no problem. The speed limits on base are very low and understandably so, but as I was rolling onto base a couple weeks ago, I had a flashing yellow light at a 4-way intersection. A HUGE pick-up truck (empty of course) decided to run his red light forcing me to slam on the brakes. The driver put his arm out of his truck's window perhaps offering an apology. I didn't need a whole arm to show him what I thought of his poor driving skills. One finger sufficed! :)

Engineer of Knowledge said...

Good Morning Hump,
Good Posting my Friend!! You gave me a nice laugh this morning.

As always, Keep Up The GREAT Work!!

Shaw Kenawe said...

“Sex and the City”- anything even remotely related to the TV show; the actors their clothes, their horse faces or M&M sized facial moles; the writers, the sponsors, the movie or the theaters that show it.

Jeebus, I thought there was something wrong with me when a friend told me to watch this utterly vapid teevee series and my reaction was instant hatred.

Darwin help me, but I lived in Clearwater, Fla., for 10 years! Let me tell you about Scientologists! I'm pretty much convinced that they're alien life forms or the stupidest people on this planet.

Backward baseball caps? I wish I had saved the photo, but somewhere on the intertubes there's a photo of a guy standing in the bleachers of a baseball park, shading his eyes with his hands while wearing his cap backwards. Unclear on the concept.

My peeve:

Twist-off wine bottle caps. Somehow, I don't feel like I'm drinking an "important" wine when I don't hear the cork go "thwuck."

Dromedary Hump said...

Eng...
Thanks, Pal. Hey, give me your blog link again...I lost my fav places some how when I got this new laptop.

Shaw...LOL! Nice to hear that there are women who recognize how utterly empty that sex and the city crappola is.
The shmuck with the backward had and hand eye shield is classic!!!

Lynne said...

Wow!! Your list is almost exactly the same as mine. I thought I was the only one who thought Ann Curry was a moron!

And I also hate, hate, hate the fact that I can't even sleep with my windows open at night because of the rude, rude, rude motorcyclists.

And I hate those "motorcycles are everywhere" bumper stickers. Who gives a shit?

Texas Mike said...

Nancy Grace. Bitch just pisses me off. There, I said it. Nice list, Hump.

Rachelle said...

LOLOL! Love it, Hump...and I agree with Joyce about Rosie. LOLOL!

Dromedary Hump said...

Lynne..great minds think alike.

Mike, thanks. Yes, Nancy Grace would be a good choice.

Rachele, in deed, Rosie is among the most dispised...but I don't want to repeat last year's. I had Bob's discount furniture on last year's list, and Paul Schafer. I could deal with Rush Limbaugh better than those three fucktards.

I'm staying out of the motorcycle thing. I had a big ass BMW touring bike once...but it more hummed than growled.

zarton said...

Hump,
I think you just put Jason Lee on the list because camels can't grow mustaches like that. Sounds like someone needs to do some auditing and get rid of thier engrams and body thetans. How else will you cross the bridge to total freedom?
My list is as follow:
1) the shamwow guy
that pretty much somes it up
thanks and all hail Xenu!
zar

Dromedary Hump said...

Zar,
But what I lack in moustache, I make up for in pubic hair.

The scientology followers are a complete enigma to me. Otherwise talented and intelligent people...all they'd have to do is read about L Ron Hubard's background, his absurd lies about his life, and his actual statement about making money by inventing a new religion...and they'd realize how completely idiotic the whole scientology fable and concept is. Ofcourse, they'd have to accept those facts, which would be a problem for "believers" in anything.

Beyond Belief said...

Agree with everything on the list, except for the Canadian craze over hockey. Played hockey for years and must say it's clearly the greatest game ever invented! :)

Dromedary Hump said...

Beyond,
Hmmm... well, I suppose one disagreement out of 10 is ok. :)

I never understood the attraction of a game where only 1 or 2 points are scored during an entire session. I think the big attraction is watching toothless guys in baggy shorts punching each other in the face while the referee's watch. As the old joke goes: " I went to a fight once, and a hockey game broke out."

Joan said...

Agree totally with everything on your list except “Bruno”. If he is the over the top irrepressible Italian judge from DWTS. He cracks me up.

Sadly my current hate list has become very picky. I have become a grammar curmudgeon in my dotage, and it’s the poor scripts or poor word choices of the news media that drive me insane.

Guys…Unless you have just received a transplant, it is not “our” heart. It’s our hearts and minds. The ‘royal plural’ referring to one person, is still allowed for the Queen of England, I imagine, but not us. Even if you are from deep in the heart of Texas.

I don’t care if this one has now become so common that it’s almost universally used. To me, it’s still “affected”, not “impacted”, unless you are jammed up like my wisdom teeth used to be or just got hit by a Mac truck.

Then there is the abundant use of “awesome”. A trip to Grand Canyon, or if you are arty or religious, one to some vast cathedral in Europe might be ‘awesome’ but your camping trip or a great sale on shoes? Maybe not so much.

Whew! I feel better now.

BTW your list was awesome.(grin)

Dromedary Hump said...

Joan,
Thanks.

When it comes to spelling,grammar and word usage I suck!!
My editor let 17 of them slip into my book. Going to get a new editor for the 2011 publication. Maybe you want the job :)

I used "infer" and "imply" interchangably throughout and have received a lot of notes from readers pointing that out. I now try to avoid using either of them.

Infidel753 said...

I lost interest in TV and celebrities about 15 years ago. Sounds like I'm still not missing anything.

The stupid backwards baseball cap thing seems to have gotten less common in the last few years. Or are the teabagges bringing it back?

Dromedary Hump said...

Infidel...
No, you're missing nothing. Not only has it not gotten better, I'm convinced it's gotten worse.

Joan said...

Hey! I'm flattered that you'd think I'd be qualified to edit anything, but thanks. That would be a disaster, however as without a spell checker, I'm a lost soul. Then there are the inevitable antonyms it won't pick up on, like flour and flower. (sob!)

Hey, Is book number two going to be different than book one, or a new edition?

The way it stands now I am capturing and printing out so many colorful blog quotes that I should get cracking and buy the book.

Dromedary Hump said...

Joan,
It it is tentatively entitled: "The Atheist Camel Rants Again" :)

DM said...

you people actually BELIEVE the BS you preach!

GOD 1 - atheists 0


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQcNiD0Z3MU


Atheists,

you are ENEMIES OF GOD AND ARE GOING TO BE ANNIHILATED...

Repent and turn to God or be destroyed...

YOU HAVE NO CHOICE...

my interpretation of the STATUE FIRE... it symbolizes the SPIRITUAL DEATH of atheism...



http://www.latimes.com/news/custom/topofthetimes/national/la-naw-0616-jesus-statue-lightning-20100616,0,4295974.story


http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2010/6/16/1276680110544/The-King-of-Kings-statue--005.jpg



http://www.latimes.com/media/photo/2010-06/54332292.jpg


http://friendlyatheist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/butterjesus-1.jpg



PRINCESS DI IS WEARING A NEW DRESS!


http://www.princeofwales.gov.uk/speechesandarticles/a_speech_by_hrh_the_prince_of_wales_titled_islam_and_the_env_252516346.html

______________________________

http://skepticblog.org/2010/04/06/would-i-ever-pray-for-a-miracle/

Shermer, I WANT TO SEE YOU BEG FOR A MIRACLE...
___________________


we do like your music Lady Gaga, but...


The B**BQUAKE - 911


Let me show you the FATE OF TRAITORS...


http://www.loiterink.com/photos/products/182_3424_500x500.jpg

they are incapable of telling the difference between SCIENTIFIC *FACT* AND RELIGIOUS AND PHILOSOPHICAL *TRUTH*... FATAL ERROR!

they also preach a *VALUE FREE SCIENCE* called *POSITIVISM* that ignores the inequalities of wealth and power in capitalist civilization...



for a sample taste of PZ Myers' GARBAGE...

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2010/06/sunday_sacrilege_imagine_no_he.php


HIJACKING IN PROGRESS!!!

http://hawaiiwebgroup.com/maui-design/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/website-hijacking.jpg


HIJACKING IN PROGRESS!!!

how can these HEADLESS IDIOTS BET AGAINST GOD!!!
________________________________________


what happens when you LOSE Pascal's Wager...


http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/pascals-wager.htm

_____________


you FIGHT PAPER MONSTERS...

the blood and bodies of the atheist movement...


you mofos killed MICKEY MOUSE!!!!


this has more TRUTH then what Dawkins, Randi, Harris, Myers, and Shermer
combined have said in their entire lives...


http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=5R2wE8Sduhs&playnext_from=TL&videos=hht1U_19anc&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_fresh%2Bdiv-1r-3-HM



they tried to BULLDOZE the entire METAPHYSICAL DIMENSION...

they LOST THE WAR......

you have FORFEIT YOUR SOUL, shermer... you have become an object in the
material world, as you WISHED...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUB4j0n2UDU

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/7/11792994_ffaaee87fa.jpg

we're gonna smash that TV...

They had become ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE AND OF GOD...
you pushed too much and *CROSSED THE LINE*

degenerates (PZ) or children (HEMANT) - ATHEISTS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRRg2tWGDSY

do you have anything to say, you STUPID LITTLE F*CKER?

how about I tell you, Mr. Shermer, EVERYTHING YOU THINK ABOUT THE WORLD is

*WRONG*

THE BOOBQUAKE - 911!

http://dissidentphilosophy.lifediscussion.net/philosophy-f1/the-boobquake-911-t1310.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx7XNb3Q9Ek

RUN, ATHEISTS, RUN!!!

-------------------

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html

the 9th and FINAL RING of Dante's Inferno is designed for little blaspheming traitors like you...

"This is the deepest level of hell, where the fallen angel Satan himself resides. His wings flap eternally, producing chilling cold winds that freeze the thick ice found in Cocytus..."


but at least FREE AIR CONDITIONING is included!


________________________________

Angel said...

Oh praise Jehovah! DM found my blog. I can RIP now. lol

Our resident psycho c/p'd the same stupid message on one of my most recent posts. I told him that psychos are being given a scant ration of only one comment per blog post. That's it. After that I'm cutting him off.

Dromedary Hump said...

Congrats, Angel ;)

John said...

I see the list of people you thanked on the Thanksgiving page was Christopher Columbus. I read a book called " Divine Right- Truth or LIE ". She had no compliments for Columbus. She states that he was guilty of genicide,rape, slavery and forcing religion down the throats of people he encountered and of course used torture to do so. I enjoyed your book and I am not trying to criticize. I guess it is up to how you add the + and - if he should be thanked for anything. Again, I enjoyed your book and thank you for the signed copy.

Dromedary Hump said...

John,
Thanks for your kind words about my book. Much appreciated.

History is full of hideous realities. There has never been a peaceful or gentle expansion of western civilization (or Eastern for that matter). Yes, I agree that Columbus' treatment of the native Americans was horrible. I do not applaud thoseacts, or the actions of the priests/monks who accompanied him for the purpose of enslaving idigenous people to their mind cult.

That said... Columbus' bravery and pluck cannot be denied. Had he not embarked on his journey to find the far east by sailing west then someone else would have eventually laded on North America; claimed it for a European nation; likely with similar impact on the natives.

But the fact is that as brutal as the methods were they were a reflection of the times. America exists because of that discovery, and while we have a lot to atone for I'm thankful to Columbus for what his discovery wrought.

Best,
Hump