Once a year I depart from my usual modus operandi and reflect on (aka rant about) secular things and people who irk the shit out of me. Well, that time is now.
Mrs. Hump could recite this litany of losers from memory, having heard me rant about them so often that it’s become almost a daily ritual. I figure my readers should have the enjoyment as well. So here, in no particular order is
Hump’s Top Ten Most Annoying Secular People and Things:
- Terri Seymour - of the early evening Hollywood gossip show. This talentless twit’s claim to fame is being the ex girlfriend of Simon Cowell. Her toothy grin and English accented high pitched raspy voice that sounds like she gargled with crushed glass, make me want to drive ice picks into my eyes and ears every time she appears on the screen. The world might better be served if she did the same to herself.
- Sharon Osborn, Randy Jackson, Mary Murphy, Bruno “the gay guy … what’s his face?”, Howie Mandell - and every other second rate pseudo-celebrity “judge” on TV talent shows whose vapid comments, crocodile tears, need to say “Yo, Dog!” to everyone, and over the top enthusiasm for mediocre crap, makes the already vast wasteland that is TV even more of a waste.
- Teabaggers - not guys who perform the sex act by the same name (that’s cool), but the political hacks and know-nothing-but-hate red necked crazies who have rallied under the banner of “NO” to reason and sanity, and “YES” to bigotry, extremist rightwing conservatism, and ditto headed Sarah Palin worship.
- Pristiq Anti-Depressive Commercial - featuring that wind up toy doll look alike of the depressed actor and a repetitive loop elevator music theme. If you weren’t depressed before watching that pitifully grating and hideously long commercial, you will be when it’s over. Maybe that’s the point.
- Right Wing TV and Radio Personalities – i.e. Rush, Glenn, Sean, Bill, Coulter, Sarah Palin, et al. Proof positive that being a deluded religionist, hate filled racist, and having a sub 100 point IQ doesn’t stop one from having a platform, attracting mass appeal, and making millions of dollars in the Land of Opportunity and Stupidity.
- British Petroleum Executives - the perfect reason to bring back scourging and crucifixion. Possibly a justification for invading England … if they had anything we wanted.
- Anne Currie- she of the flubbed teleprompter lines, insipid questions (i.e. “How do you feel about losing your entire family in a fire?”), and the ever popular sad-eyed melodramatic “Our thoughts and prayers are with you.” platitude. If NBC feels it absolutely must have Asian representation what’s wrong with finding one with a brain stem? How about Jackie Chan or Kim Jong-Il?
- “Sex and the City”- anything even remotely related to the TV show; the actors their clothes, their horse faces or M&M sized facial moles; the writers, the sponsors, the movie or the theaters that show it.
- Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Jason (“My Name is Earl”) Lee, Jenna (“Dharma and Greg”) Elfman - and any other personality / actor who is so shallow, brain washed and gullible that they buy into, support and promote the Scientology cult thus attracting even more idiotic followers.
- Sideways and Backward Ball Caps – If you’re a kid and can’t get your hat placed properly on your head ask your folks to take you to a neurosurgeon, because you look like a mental defective. If you’re an adult, damnit… the “bill” is meant to keep the sun out of your eyes, not off your fat sweaty neck! Wearing it backwards doesn’t make you look cool, just moronic. Grow up!
Whew … I don’t know about you, but I sure feel better.
Oh, I could go on. There are so many more that deserve my wrath and disdain:
New Hampshire drivers who drive 5 mph under the speed limit; Joan Rivers’ face, voice and daughter; Regis Philbin’s senility and lack of talent or reason to live; Larry King’s oversized alien shaped head, $even divorces, and ability to attract women old enough to be hi$ granddaughter$; that peculiar Canadian addiction to hockey and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese (aka Kraft Dinner); people who don’t buy my book because it’s not on Kindle, are just a few. But Terri Seymour just came on TV and I have to go find those ice picks.